Embracing My Flaws

Get flawless skin with just one swipe of the miracle foundation. It reduces the appearance of pores and blemishes and makes you look up to 5 years younger.”

I’m sure all of you have at some time or the other heard these lines on the TV or radio. Or maybe read them in some fashion magazine with the close up photograph of a model or actress’s face whose skin looks so smooth that you could ski down her cheeks!

Flawless skin.  Which woman does not want that? Glowing, flawless skin and a complexion so fair that other women envy you.

And in this age of cosmetics and make up, it really isn’t a tough job to get that perfect skin, sultry lips and magnetic eyes.

All you need to do is rush to your nearest mall and get a handful of cosmetics. Then come back home and go through the endless make up tutorials on YouTube that would teach you how to get that flawless look with all these cosmetics. And then go color your face as if it was a blank canvas.

I’ve seen women with layers of make up, who look so flawless that I sometimes wonder if their skin has ever been exposed to natural light and air without a barrier of foundation and powder!

And the best thing I’ve seen online is the makeup tutorial for “A no makeup natural look”. This woman used a bunch of foundations and concealers and what not to make her face look like she had flawless skin without any make up!!

I might sound old school but I would rather eat healthy and treat my skin with natural stuff like turmeric and sandalwood so that it naturally looks healthy and bright rather than slather on some foundation and powder and look “Fake Flawless”.

This is also because I have a very sensitive skin that tends to react to anything I use on it. I can barely find a decent moisturizer that won’t give me rashes.

But recently with the help of my friends who are into makeup and stuff, I’ve found some make up brands that don’t break my skin. So after spending nearly 2 decades of my life without any make up, I’ve found stuff which has a little less harsh chemicals.

Yes, I’m really happy with my finds and I have learned how to use all this makeup, but something inside me just does not allow me to get into this routine of slathering my face every day with all this stuff.  Sometimes for special occasions yes, but not every day.

Because all this make up and looking pretty is just on the exterior.  Every day when you come home and remove all these layers, you see the real you in the mirror. The dark circles, the blemishes, the scars. I know it would break my heart to see myself going from fab to drab.

And what if people get so used to looking at me with make up on that someday when they see me without even a scrap of makeup on my face, they fail to recognize me!!

This is not the fruit of my wild imagination. I’ve seen women who without make up almost look like they’re unwell. And that’s because I was so used to seeing them with so much mascara and eyeliner and foundations and what not, that without any make up, the perfect image kind of shattered.

Isn’t it more practical and healthy that instead of hiding beneath all these layers, we confront our imperfections and embrace them? And then try to internally correct them through a healthier lifestyle?

I go to work every day with just a sun screen on my face. Though for me it was because I could never use any make up, I found out that I’m far more confident with a bare face than most other girls my age. I don’t need some cosmetics to help me look and feel beautiful.

My sensitive skin turned out to be the biggest blessing in disguise for me. Because I’ve realized that I’d rather be bare faced and look weird than depend on some cosmetics to take me towards temporary perfection.

The only important thing is that you love yourself. If you fall in love with your flaws, you realize that these flaws, are big part of your personality. Physically as well and emotionally. And once you embrace your imperfections, you’ll see how beautiful you are.

 

The Perfect Dress

So my sister recently announced her intention to get married and brought her boyfriend home to introduce him to the family. The boy was approved and his family declared as most decent.

Now three months later, after all the excitement and tears of joy, we are all bracing ourselves for the big day.

There are lots of functions that are going to take place before we reach the finish line of The Great Indian Wedding Drama.

The first one of these is the engagement ceremony.

It’s basically just exchanging rings and introducing the bride and the groom to the entire extended khandaan of both the families.

Slowly but surely the things are being crossed out from the ‘Things To Do’ list. The venue is finalized, talks with the caterers are on, designs for the rings are being browsed through and the bride to be is out shopping every weekend to find that perfect dress.

And this is when we come to the most important part of the entire drama. Well the most important part for me.

The dress.

That is what we are all waiting for. Well ‘we’ as in me and all the girls and women in the family. Ladies seldom have much interest in anything else other than clothes. And we are no different.

Everybody is planning and prodding and searching for what they want to wear. It’s the first wedding of the family and the excitement is almost killing us.

Though I’m not so much into clothes and dressing up but I’m equally pumped to find something appropriate to wear. It should be wow enough to make me look like the sister of the bride, but not so wow that it overpowers the brides dress.

And If I know my sister, who hates anything shiny, glittery, heavy, and basically anything that makes you look like an Indian bride, she’s going to pick out something really simple and understated.

And my love for bright pop colors may make me look overdressed in front of her.

Designer boutiques, local shops, Pinterest, Google, my mom’s sari collection, I’ve gone through it all.

I’ve shortlisted a few dresses but I’m still confused. Everything I’ve selected has either glitter or pop colors. And my sister might just pick out something in a pretty pastel color! This thought is driving me nuts!

I usually don’t care about the latest trends, fashion and stuff like this and wear whatever I like. If I’m happy and comfortable with what I’m wearing, I won’t give a damn to what others think.

But to overpower my very own sister on her engagement is not where I want to tread.

So now I’m running to every market in Delhi in sweltering heat to find that perfect dress for me.

And it’s turning out to be one hell of a job.

 

That Sinking Feeling

Have you ever felt as if your mind is overflowing with all the emotions known to you? And that too without any logical reason?

It feels like happiness, anger, joy, frustration, love, jealousy and pain are all rolled into one and the mind takes you surfing through this wave of overwhelming emotions.

Your life is good, there is nothing wrong in your life which cannot be fixed and everything is happening like it is supposed to happen and yet, there is this sinking feeling inside you.

Like you’re riding this wave and there is no surfboard under you. You are just going with the wave. And this wave seems to go on endlessly.

You try and get hold of yourself, but there is nothing you can do. You can feel yourself drowning but there is nothing to help to get out.

You try hard. Frantically doing everything that could help you overcome this sinking feeling. But nothing helps.

There’s blank infinity in front of you.

You look around you and try to get hold of something….anything.

Anything that would pull you out of this wave. But there is nothing out there to help you. It’s just you.

You need to put in everything you have to get out of this. Only you can help yourself from drowning.

And you must do it before it’s too late.

What’s Meant To Be Will Always Find It’s Way

 

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What is meant to be will always find way.

I’ve always had mixed feeling when I heard this quote. Does it mean that if something is meant to be, it will happen no matter how much I try and avoid it?

Does it mean that whatever plans I’ve made about my life and future are going to be futile just because it was not meant to be?

I might not be a wise old woman but I’ve had my fair share of experiences that have made me wonder whether all the panning and thinking I do really matters?

Like when I’ve worked hard and planned and basically done everything I could do to make something happen, but the completely opposite result came out. And surprisingly, it felt good.

But at times it broke my heart so bad that it took me days to overcome the grief.

I’m usually not the “too much thinking” type of a person so I try and take this in a positive way. No matter how hard I need to work for something, I tell myself that if it’s meant to come to me, it will find its way. It’s out there somewhere, lost in the big bad world. But I’ll wait for it no matter how long it takes.

 

 

It Was Worth The Wait

You could see the overflowing love in Abhimanyu’s eyes for her as she walked down that majestic staircase. The antique chandelier right above that staircase gave a royal touch to her entry. For anybody else, this was the perfect entry for the bride. But he did not see any of this. He had eyes only for her. His bride.

She looked resplendent in her red and gold lehenga.  Jewels glittered at her neck and ears but he only saw the twinkle in her eyes as she looked up and saw him.

His best friend, Kartik, standing right behind him gave a warm squeeze on his shoulder. Abhimanyu knew how happy everybody was for them. And as she slowly walked towards him, his mind went 6 years back down the memory lane.

6 years. He had waited that long for this day. He remembered the first day she walked towards him. They were introduced to each other at a new year’s party. He had been too drunk to remember anything but a polite handshake with her. At least he had not misbehaved or embarrassed himself.

The next day he saw her picture. Deep brown eyes, good dressing, waist long black hair, and that angelic smile. He tried to remember what happened last night and cursed the damn martini’s.

It was nearly 7 months later when they met again and gradually became close friends. And it was not long before he knew he was in love.

The only problem was that he never had the courage to tell her this. She was a social butterfly. Constantly in the company of good looking guys who were dying to have just one date with her. He, an average looking guy with nothing but a golden heart. But hearts have seldom won the ‘Love at first sight’ game.

She went on numerous dates. And every time she dressed up, she clicked a selfy and sent it to Abhimanyu for approval.  And every single time she outdid herself.

But it always ended with just dates. She never committed to anybody for she claimed nobody suited her. Abhimanyu wanted to tell her his feelings but he always feared he might lose a very close friend if she didn’t feel the same way. This thought always stopped him telling her how much he loved her.

Kartik tried to make Abhimanyu meet new girls and coxed him to forget about her because he knew Abhimanyu would never confess his love to her. But no matter how much he tried, he could never take her out of her heart.

Abhimanyu was happiest when she was with him and often they went exploring new eating joints in the city for they both shared a common love for food.

It was some months later when she called him up excitedly to tell him she had landed a dream job in New York. The contract was 3 years long and she just couldn’t wait to leave!

Abhimanyu’s world came crashing down around him. New York? It was thousands of miles away and he had no idea if such distance would let their friendship survive. He had seen deep rooted relationships dwindle with such distance. How could he, a mere friend to her be sure that she would still be in contact with her after being away for 3 years?

Initially she sent him emails describing how happy she was there and how she had met so many new people. But as the work increased, her emails became less regular.

He knew she was flooded with proposals from good looking guys there and he tried to not let that stop him from being happy for her. That was all he wanted. Her happiness.

Kartik had told him innumerable times to forget about her. But he waited. He had no idea what he was waiting for. All he knew was that he was madly in love with her and he wanted to see her happy.

Time flew away and the day came when she was coming back. Abhimanyu was eager to see her again. They had video chats but looking at her in person was a different feeling altogether.

Her flight was due for arrival at 6 in the eveining. He fidgeted all day barely able to control his excitement. He rushed to the airport with such a big smile that he could feel his cheeks hurt.

He kept looking at the flight arrival times and walked impatiently up and down the waiting lounge.

And when she finally walked in, his heart skipped a beat. To him it seemed like the distance has beautified her even more.

She ran to him and hugged him so hard that he could barely breathe.

“I missed you so much”, she said

“I missed you too”, he replied.

They looked into each other’s eyes. He never wanted to look away from those eyes.

“So are you going to say it now or do I need to wait for a few more years?”

“Say what?” he asked confused.

“Come on man. Tell her now. It’s high time and frankly I’m bored of the slow pace of your love story”, called a voice behind them.

Abhimanyu turned around and saw Kartik giving him his impish grin and looking really pleased with himself.

“What the hell are you doing here? I thought you had a meeting!” Said Abhimanyu .

“I do. And frankly I’m late for it”. Kartik replied laughing.

Abhimanyu looked at her. She had doubled over laughing.

Kartki slapped him on the back and said, “Dude just tell her how you’ve written 40 pages long love songs for her while she was in New York. And how you waited day and night for her emails. Oh! And also how you’ve ruined my every effort to get you hooked with some other girl. And much as I would love to see the end of this, I’m running late and I have to rush. Ciao dude.”

He winked at her, gave a friendly slap on Abhimanyu’s back and left as casually as he had arrived.

Abhimanyu looked aghast.

“I’m still waiting.” She said

“What the hell is going on!” exclaimed Abhimanyu.

“Kartik called me a few days back and told me what you felt about me. I didn’t believe at first because for years I had been dropping hints and you never responded. So I had backed out thinking you just thought of me as a friend. And I didn’t want to ruin our friendship because of what I felt.” She told him.

To say that he was shocked would be an understatement. Was she saying that she loved him? Dis she really say that she loved him and all this while he had been sitting around like an idiot thinking that she just thought of him as a friend!

“I love you Abhimanyu. And I have loved you for so long. I can’t pin point to when it happened, but all I know is that I can’t think of being with any other guy than you.”

“I love you too Aditi. More than I could ever explain to you.”. It felt so good telling her this.

“And it took you 6 years to tell me this.”She said taking a step back and crossing her arms.

“As if you asked me out a hundred times over!”

“I was scared!”

“So was I. And now that I know you love me too, I’m not going to let you get away from my sight for even a second.”

He pulled her towards him and held her close to him. He looked into her eyes and saw her crying. He kissed those tears away and held her tightly in his arms.

It had taken them 6 years to confess their love to each other. 6 years of waiting.

He was shaken back into reality by Kartik who gave him a questioning look. He shook his head and smiled at him.

And as he gave her his hand and helped her up on the stage where their wedding ceremony was to take place, he looked at her and saw her give him a smile of such unadulterated happiness as he had never seen before.  It was then that he realized that this moment and her smile had been worth the wait.

An Ode To My Glasses

I can’t thank you enough

For all you’ve done for me,

It’s only because of you

That clearly I can see,

A decade has passed,

With you on my nose

And without you my life

Is full of misery and woes,

I’ve bumped into things,

When you weren’t there,

You came into my life

With tender love and care

I’ve broken you numerous times

And forgotten you in the bus

But you always came back to me,

Without any drama or fuss

But today as we part ways,

This feeling is bitter sweet

You have always been my best friend

Be it winter rain or heat,

This is our last day together,

Tomorrow we part ways,

But you will always bring me a smile,

When I think back of our happy days

Adieu my dear glasses,

I bid farewell to thee

I shall forever love you

For you always helped me see