Unsent

She read those lines again. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she lightly kissed the piece of paper that was more precious to her than her own life.

I wish I could tell you how much you mean to me. I try but words have failed me.”

She remembered how they used to talk for hours. Unlike other people, they never needed something to talk about. The conversation always flowed. And yet there was nothing that could describe the love they had for each other.

I remember the first time we met. I can still hear the bangles jingling on your arms.”

They met at a friend’s engagement where they bumped into each other and she spilled her drink on his shirt.  Who knew that one disastrous meeting would lead these two to something so beautiful.

I have no idea how you feel. But all I can say is that I have fallen madly and hopelessly in love with you. I tried to push this idea away thinking that it was nothing but infatuation. But over time I have seen that nothing makes me happy until unless I have you to share it with. You are the reason for my happiness.

There was something that just clicked with these two. Completely opposite of each other in tastes and personalities, they were the perfect example of opposites attract.

I know that writing all this to you may seem a little melodramatic. But every time you are in front of me, I lose all my courage.”

He was supposed to meet her at their favorite coffee place. She waited 3 hours for him, but he never came. She got in her car, furious at him for not showing up when she got that cursed call.

He had met with an accident. A drunk driver had hit his car and he was rushed to the hospital in acrtical state he had sustained multiple injuries to his head.

I don’t know how and when it happened but every time I think of you, I picture our lives together.

After 16 hours of surgery, he lost his battle with life. It was like her soul had been sucked out of her. Like the world was closing in on her and she couldn’t breathe.

She had found this letter in his bag on the day of his funeral. He had never posted it

I love you so much. And I’ll love you till my last breath.”

She broke down every time she read these line. Fate never gave her the chance to love him back.

Writer’s Block

Lately I’ve been going through the worst writer’s block. I have so much to say and write but there are just not enough words to bring all that out. I have tons of things I want to write about, but when I do sit down to write, my thoughts just fail to come down on paper.

Like I wanted to write about this trip I took a couple of weeks back. I was excited, anxious, nervous, happy, paranoid, control freak and what not. And yet when I sit down to write about it, all I can do is just go back down the memory lane and waste all my time laughing over the fun we had.

There are stories I wanted tell, the pictures I wanted to show, the experiences I wanted to share. But nothing comes out.

I wanted to write about how my city has been experiencing these really unexpected rains, bringing back the cold winds that had almost vanished for two days.

And how excited I am about Holi!! My most favorite festival is a few hours away and the adrenalin rush I’m feeling can’t be explained right now.

Which is very confusing because I’ve never had trouble expressing myself. I am usually very comfortable speaking out everything I have on my mind.

And it’s not like I don’t have a subject to talk about. I just don’t have words to express my thoughts.

I guess it’s because sometimes, it’s not important that I write everything out. Sometimes it’s more about feeling everything and just letting go.

Maybe these experiences were far too special and nothing I ever say can do justice to those memories

I’m A Staunch Feminist, And Here’s Why…

Because in my country, the birth of a boy is celebrated, but the birth of a girl is lamented by everybody.

Because my parents were advised by all our relatives, including my grandmother to have another baby in hope of a son because they had two daughters.

Because me and my sister were blessed to be raised by parents who were fiercely strong when it came to fighting gender biases for us.

Because the first time I realized the difference between a boy and a girl was in kindergarten when our PT teacher told me to go play hide seek because football was not a game played by girls.

Because I was lucky to be encouraged by my dad to enroll into tennis, taekwondo and skating when all the other girls were either going to dance classes or art and craft classes.

Because my parents raised us with no gender specific roles. We could doll up as much as we wanted or get filthy as we wrestled in the mud.

Because I was always taught to be on guard and be strong enough to take care of myself.

Because even if I’m wearing a salwar kameez and I’m covered from head to toe, men from all age groups will stare at me when I walk down the street.

Because I don’t feel safe walking on a road even in broad daylight without a Swiss knife or a paper cutter in my hand.

Because I actually have used that paper cutter in broad daylight on busy roads.

Because when I used to wear glasses, random people suggested that I use lenses or get a lasik surgery done so that it is easier for me to find a husband.

Because when I replied to those people that a man who would not marry me because of my glasses is not worth marrying anyways, I was told that with this attitude I would never find a husband.

Because at 24, the only aspect of my life that interests people is my marriage. My career or higher studies have no importance whatsoever because at this age marriage is what I should be thinking about.

Because people find it unbelievable that I don’t use make up and go to work every day with a blemished skin and frizzy hair.

Because it’s considered my duty to look flawless and beautiful every single second of the day.

Because I’m told by random people that I should talk softly and never answer back a guy because these are not the qualities a person wants in his wife.

Because girls in this country are taught that if a guy is eve teasing or harassing you, you should never answer him back or else his ego might get hurt and he might throw acid on you. Maybe even rape you.

Because, eve teasing, sexual harassment, pre marital sex, consensual sex, marital rape, domestic violence and rape are dirty words which are talked about in hushed voices.

Because in this country every man worships a goddess for strength, prosperity and knowledge. But the same men consider it acceptable to hit their wives or use cuss words which are derogatory for women.

Because ‘Tota’, “Item’, ‘Maal’, ‘Pataka’ are common words used for women in this society.

Because every second day you hear about girls as young as 12 are being dragged into prostitution.

Because in this age and time, being a woman is both a curse and a blessing.

Because this country needs to teach it’s sons that a woman does not want protection by a man. A woman wants respect and dignity so that never is a girl made to sit at home by her parents who fear for her security in this world.

Please Listen To Me. I Want To Ramble.

I can’t believe the first month of this year is already gone! I mean yeah there were days when I felt like time had stopped and nothing can make the earth rotate faster. But now as I turn the page of the calendar to a new month I realize how time actually flew away.

I had been waiting for February for so long! There is so much I have to do this month. And now that this month is actually here, I fear like I won’t be able to live up to all the excitement and expectations I have kind of thrown at this poor little month.

I think expecting too much from anything, including something completely imaginary like my fantasies is going to be like too much pressure. It’s like I have to make sure I have fun.

Like last weekend! I had such plans for those three days! Everything was ready and decided. But what actually happened was that I sprained my back and basically spent all five days on my couch, too much in pain to even curl up comfortably.

Imagine lying on a couch for that long and not even being comfortable! It’s like going to Disneyland and not going on any ride!!!

It was torture.

And why did that happen? Because I expected far too much fun from a weekend. And also because I kinda jumped out of bed in a way that paralyzed my back!

Imagine that! I was supposed to get up for college but a 5 min snooze turned out to be a 45 minute nap. And when I finally woke up and saw the time, I had a mini heart attack. And then whatever ‘jumping out of bed’ happened, resulted in me being practically paralyzed with such excruciating pain that even going to the loo was a torture.

Also, I broke the chain of one of my most favorite necklace! And I need to wera it again soon! So I have to do something about that damn thing!

Aaaaaaand I can’t find a decent pair of sneakers anywhere. Everything is either too girly or too manly. I need something in the middle. Though this logic has made my mother certify me as crazy once again, I still need something that would neither make me look like a  very manly girl nor like Tinkerbell out for a run!

And now as I write that down I realize where I’ve been going wrong all these days.

What is wrong with the universe!

I know all this makes absolutely no sense to anybody, but I just wanted to ramble aimlessly for some time.

I love you all so much.

 

PS- I’m been freakishly moody these days. Not the PMS moody. Almost like I was drunk. And not the ‘throw up and the pass out’ drunk. Like hugging every random person and saying “I love you so much. You are my true friend” kind of drunk!

Death Is But The Next Great Adventure

I come from a family where everybody has its own funda’s about religion and god.

Being bought up in a family which has both Hindu as well as Sikh influences, I was always told that life is all about your Karma, and all you did in this life would ultimately come back to you.

A little mythological, but the basic thing I’ve been hearing all my life is that whatever good or bad deeds you do, they go with your spirit after you die. Heaven or hell would be decided based upon these deeds.

It will all ultimately come down to your death.

Strangely, all these ideas and rules about what you should do in this life are made by people who are still alive and have therefore no idea about what death is.

Though the holy book “The Bhagwad Gita” where the concept of karma is explained is believed to be a compilation of the verses that Lord Vishnu himself said, it takes utmost faith to believe this concept.

According to the Hindu mythology, a spirit will take 84 lakh births before finally getting a human birth. It is arguable scientifically, because there are millions of life forms on earth, but the Hindu mythology says that the spirit starts from something like an amoeba and gradually takes birth in every life form before it become human.

Mythlogically speaking, death is a scary thing. Once you die, all your life deeds are put out in front of you and you are asked to answer each decision of your so that you can go to heaven or hell.

To quote Albus Dumbledore or rather J K Rowling, “To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure”.

Not that I’m claiming to have a well organized mind, but frankly, I’m not scared of death. I’m just scared of not living.

I believe that all these concepts of heaven and hell were just made to create a fear in people. People tend to do or not do something due to fear.

So if you tell them that doing good deeds would get them heaven, they would try and be a better person, even though they have absolutely no idea what hell or heaven is going to be anyways.

And this idea has generally worked. Yes, there are some side effects as well but in every religion you will find the concept of heaven and hell.

Maybe all these concepts were created to establish a civilized society where people have a fear of doing something wrong.

I believe in spirits, but heaven or hell seem fictitious to me. How can you say that a person will have pretty angels surrounding him if he has helped poor and been a kind soul, but if he had been greedy and cruel, he would be thrown in pots filled with boiling lava! Why isn’t he punished in this birth itself? Why wait for him to die?

The concept of Karma though might be true. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. So whatever good or bad deeds have been done in this birth shall be compensated and written off in this birth itself.

There is no waiting for death and no worrying about what is right and what is not. Most people would just do whatever the society tells them to do instead of what they want to do just because that way they will get heaven.

And trust me, all these people want heaven, but nobody wants to die!

But if all this is not correct and there actually is a heaven and a hell waiting for everybody, then I guess we’ll all just have to wait for our death so that we may embark upon this unknown exciting adventure.

Who knows where we might end up.

 

:)

Open Your Nearest Book To Page 82

So I came across this challenge for blogger’s which said, “Open your nearest book to page 82. Take the third full sentence on the page, and work it into a post somehow.”

As it happened, the book lying on my table at that time was “Muslim Laws”. So I opened page 82 and the third sentence was “The Mughal emperor Akbar abandoned the path and decided to compromise with Hindu religion in order to safeguard the perpetuity of his dynasty.”

Though I was quite sure I could not write anything on this topic because even though I love the Mughal history, I didn’t want my blog post to be a history lesson on how Akbar married the Hindu Rajput princess ‘Jodhaa’ so that the Rajput’s and Mughal’s could live together in peace.

Then I thought I’ll write about their love story. How these two drastically different people were united in matrimony for political reasons fell in love and together built the strongest empire of the Mughal history.

But then I realized I’ll be basically writing the entire screenplay of the movie “Jodha-Akbar”.

So that idea too went down the drain.

Next I thought maybe I’ll write about why this line was in my book on muslim laws and what path exactly did Akbar abandon to safeguard the perpetuity of his dynasty. But for that I would have to go through that entire chapter and frankly, if I was in a mood for studying, why the hell would I open my laptop and write a blog post.

Actually that just makes me realize how I’ve been procrastinating about studying and now that my exams are fast approaching, I will like always end up studying hours before I finally head to the examination hall. Oh damn!

I guess that means I really need to get my head into this book and find out what the hell Akbar was did to make my life miserable 500 years after he died.

But hey! I do have a blog post, even though it has absolutely nothing to do with Akbar, his abandoned path, his compromise with the Hindu religion and the perpetuation of his dynasty.

At least I accomplished something today! :P

Home

All he remembered was that deafening noise. And the fire. It was everywhere. One moment he was talking to her on the phone, the next moment he was on the road bleeding and staring at a person who stared back at him with cold bloody eye’s.

It took him a moment to realize what happened. There was smoke everywhere. And fire. People, vehicles, trees….everything was burning.

The busy market had turned into a war field.

People screaming for help, limbs scattered around, a child’s doll smeared with someone’s blood. That was all he could see.

Blood. Everywhere.

He tried moving but there was something stopping his legs. He tried to get up, only to see a woman lying dead on his feet. He tried to push her away.

He wiggled his toes. That was a good sign. Despite the shock he could feel his toes.

He turned the woman’s body and screamed in horror. She was the lady with a baby girl in her arms who he had let get ahead of her in the line. She was here to get a birthday cake for her daughter. “It’s her first birthday”, she had told her beaming with happiness.

He looked around and saw the little girl. He crawled to her and checked her pulse. It was faint. He heaved a sigh of relief.

His head was spinning. People rushed in to find any survivors. A paramedic came rushing to him. He pointed at the little girl. Two people had to support him to make him stand up. He was much too shocked to reply to any of their questions.

Home. He wanted to get back home. It was their anniversary. He wanted to be with her. She would be waiting.

Her face was the last thing that his mind conjured up before darkness took over.

 

**********************************

 

He tried to move his head. His body felt like lead. There was something constantly beeping. He wanted that to stop. And far away he could hear a woman hysterically crying and saying “Is he going to be OK?”.

Why was this woman crying….and what was happening. He tried to decipher her words. He wanted to open his eye’s and see who it was but that seemed too hard. He was too tired to open his eyes. All he wanted to do was sleep.

 

**************************************

 

“The doctor’s are saying that he’s in shock, but his vital stats are fine. He just needs rest.”. That was all he heard before he drowned into deep sleep.

 

****************************************

 

Somebody was touching his arm. He could feel a prick but he was too tired to say anything. Home. He wanted to go home.

 

****************************************

 

He could feel somebody’s breath on his cheek. Somebody was holding him lightly and had fallen asleep with his head on his shoulder. He moved his head and that person’s hair brushed against his nose. He could smell vanilla.

He moved a little more and saw her sleeping. It was her. She was here! He touched her face and she woke up with a start.

“You woke up! Are you OK. I was so worried. You’ve been sleeping for almost 38 hours and I just…..”, she cried. He put his arms around her and hugged her.

“I love you”. That was all he could say.

“I love you too”, she sobbed.

Home. That was what he remembered. He had wanted to go home. He was going home when that explosion took place. Home.

There in the hospital, with all the scary machines and tubes attached to him, he hugged her like there was no tomorrow. He held on tightly to her, realizing how home was anywhere he could be with her.

He closed his eyes and silently thanked god.

He was back with the love of his life, and it felt good to be back home.