Forever Is A Myth

All of us are smitten by the concept of “forever’. Best friends forever, I will love you forever…..

We all want to be a part of that happily ever after. The future, which even though uncertain looks almost like perfection.

And frankly, there’s nothing wrong with lusting after forever. If you love something, you want it to be with you always. You would do everything in your power to keep it with you. You compromise, make adjustments, work hard and do every damn thing you can to make sure your forever is exactly how you want it to be.

You basically end up getting so engrossed in planning and preparing for that forever that you forget about the present. And in all this planning you forget that since the future is unpredictable, there is a major possibility that all your plannings can go down the drain in a single life changing event.

Your best friend, the love of your life, your career….nothing is permanent. And you can not control it forever. One single life twist is enough to knock you out and bring you back to square one.

One fight with your best friend, one misunderstanding with your love, one mistake in your career can change everything you ever had.

So does forever really exist in our uncertain future? Maybe it does. Maybe it does not.

I’m not saying that nobody would ever have a happily ever after. I hope everybody gets what they love in life. But in this hope for our perfect forever, lets not forget to enjoy this moment that we have today.

Today is the oldest you’ve ever been and the youngest you’l ever be. So seize this moment. Laugh, be crazy, love unconditionally, apologize, and just feel the moment. Today was a part of the forever you thought of yesterday. So enjoy it. Don’t let it go waste.  Plan all you want but don’t let all this planning stop you from being happy today.

It’s not necessary that all the compromises and adjustments will definitely lead to a happy future. Your forever will be perfect if you know how to be happy today.

And if your forever does not look like the one you had planned, then maybe you had it chalked out all wrong. Maybe somewhere you were trying to hold on to something that never belonged to you. So embrace whatever you get and treasure it. In the end, life itself will take you to that perfect forever.

It’s All In The Eye’s

There was something insanely attractive about those eye’s. Deep brown and magically hypnotic. They could suck out your soul by just gazing at you.

They say that eye’s are the window to your soul. But in those eye’s you could see every possible emotion that you have ever felt held together with such depth that it was like staring into the universe. Mysterious and infinite. They mirrored every feeling you had and you could see every inner conflict that raged between your heart and your mind.

Eye’s which you could stare into for infinity and beyond and still not feel satiated. And if they looked away, something inside you snapped. Like looking into them was the only thing that gave meaning to your presence in this universe. And if it wasn’t for those eye’s, nothing would seem right.

Eye’s that pull you towards them, and with a blink could shatter you into a million pieces.

And it is then that you realize how fragile your existence had been before their gaze had fallen upon you. And with that gaze, the universe now feels complete.

Chaos

Have you ever felt like there is a meaningless conflict between your heart and your mind? Like there is complete chaos in your soul and it seems to be sucking you in no matter how much you try to avoid it.

You sit back, take deep breaths, try and calm yourself down but nothing works. There is panic and anxiety. But you don’t know why….

Nothing is wrong with you or your life. And yet you feel like something is missing. Something that you crave from the bottom of your heart but you have no idea what it is.

You try and get yourself busy. You do everything that you can do to keep your mind off the emptiness you feel. Not because you are running away from something, but because you don’t know what you want and there is nothing and nobody that can help you get out of this chaos that is inside you.

And when you finally surrender yourself to this unending wave of emotions, somebody pulls you out of it with such ease that you are knocked out by the simplicity with which it happened. A touch, a smile, a caress was all that you needed to get your self together.

Just being there with somebody and knowing that their mere presence is all that you will ever need can have an infinitely calming effect on you. Like you know that no matter how broken you are, there is somebody who will pick up those pieces and is willing to fix you.

It is at that moment that you finally understand what it feels like to be at peace. With yourself and with the universe.

Unsent

She read those lines again. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she lightly kissed the piece of paper that was more precious to her than her own life.

I wish I could tell you how much you mean to me. I try but words have failed me.”

She remembered how they used to talk for hours. Unlike other people, they never needed something to talk about. The conversation always flowed. And yet there was nothing that could describe the love they had for each other.

I remember the first time we met. I can still hear the bangles jingling on your arms.”

They met at a friend’s engagement where they bumped into each other and she spilled her drink on his shirt.  Who knew that one disastrous meeting would lead these two to something so beautiful.

I have no idea how you feel. But all I can say is that I have fallen madly and hopelessly in love with you. I tried to push this idea away thinking that it was nothing but infatuation. But over time I have seen that nothing makes me happy until unless I have you to share it with. You are the reason for my happiness.

There was something that just clicked with these two. Completely opposite of each other in tastes and personalities, they were the perfect example of opposites attract.

I know that writing all this to you may seem a little melodramatic. But every time you are in front of me, I lose all my courage.”

He was supposed to meet her at their favorite coffee place. She waited 3 hours for him, but he never came. She got in her car, furious at him for not showing up when she got that cursed call.

He had met with an accident. A drunk driver had hit his car and he was rushed to the hospital in acrtical state he had sustained multiple injuries to his head.

I don’t know how and when it happened but every time I think of you, I picture our lives together.

After 16 hours of surgery, he lost his battle with life. It was like her soul had been sucked out of her. Like the world was closing in on her and she couldn’t breathe.

She had found this letter in his bag on the day of his funeral. He had never posted it

I love you so much. And I’ll love you till my last breath.”

She broke down every time she read these line. Fate never gave her the chance to love him back.

Writer’s Block

Lately I’ve been going through the worst writer’s block. I have so much to say and write but there are just not enough words to bring all that out. I have tons of things I want to write about, but when I do sit down to write, my thoughts just fail to come down on paper.

Like I wanted to write about this trip I took a couple of weeks back. I was excited, anxious, nervous, happy, paranoid, control freak and what not. And yet when I sit down to write about it, all I can do is just go back down the memory lane and waste all my time laughing over the fun we had.

There are stories I wanted tell, the pictures I wanted to show, the experiences I wanted to share. But nothing comes out.

I wanted to write about how my city has been experiencing these really unexpected rains, bringing back the cold winds that had almost vanished for two days.

And how excited I am about Holi!! My most favorite festival is a few hours away and the adrenalin rush I’m feeling can’t be explained right now.

Which is very confusing because I’ve never had trouble expressing myself. I am usually very comfortable speaking out everything I have on my mind.

And it’s not like I don’t have a subject to talk about. I just don’t have words to express my thoughts.

I guess it’s because sometimes, it’s not important that I write everything out. Sometimes it’s more about feeling everything and just letting go.

Maybe these experiences were far too special and nothing I ever say can do justice to those memories

I’m A Staunch Feminist, And Here’s Why…

Because in my country, the birth of a boy is celebrated, but the birth of a girl is lamented by everybody.

Because my parents were advised by all our relatives, including my grandmother to have another baby in hope of a son because they had two daughters.

Because me and my sister were blessed to be raised by parents who were fiercely strong when it came to fighting gender biases for us.

Because the first time I realized the difference between a boy and a girl was in kindergarten when our PT teacher told me to go play hide seek because football was not a game played by girls.

Because I was lucky to be encouraged by my dad to enroll into tennis, taekwondo and skating when all the other girls were either going to dance classes or art and craft classes.

Because my parents raised us with no gender specific roles. We could doll up as much as we wanted or get filthy as we wrestled in the mud.

Because I was always taught to be on guard and be strong enough to take care of myself.

Because even if I’m wearing a salwar kameez and I’m covered from head to toe, men from all age groups will stare at me when I walk down the street.

Because I don’t feel safe walking on a road even in broad daylight without a Swiss knife or a paper cutter in my hand.

Because I actually have used that paper cutter in broad daylight on busy roads.

Because when I used to wear glasses, random people suggested that I use lenses or get a lasik surgery done so that it is easier for me to find a husband.

Because when I replied to those people that a man who would not marry me because of my glasses is not worth marrying anyways, I was told that with this attitude I would never find a husband.

Because at 24, the only aspect of my life that interests people is my marriage. My career or higher studies have no importance whatsoever because at this age marriage is what I should be thinking about.

Because people find it unbelievable that I don’t use make up and go to work every day with a blemished skin and frizzy hair.

Because it’s considered my duty to look flawless and beautiful every single second of the day.

Because I’m told by random people that I should talk softly and never answer back a guy because these are not the qualities a person wants in his wife.

Because girls in this country are taught that if a guy is eve teasing or harassing you, you should never answer him back or else his ego might get hurt and he might throw acid on you. Maybe even rape you.

Because, eve teasing, sexual harassment, pre marital sex, consensual sex, marital rape, domestic violence and rape are dirty words which are talked about in hushed voices.

Because in this country every man worships a goddess for strength, prosperity and knowledge. But the same men consider it acceptable to hit their wives or use cuss words which are derogatory for women.

Because ‘Tota’, “Item’, ‘Maal’, ‘Pataka’ are common words used for women in this society.

Because every second day you hear about girls as young as 12 are being dragged into prostitution.

Because in this age and time, being a woman is both a curse and a blessing.

Because this country needs to teach it’s sons that a woman does not want protection by a man. A woman wants respect and dignity so that never is a girl made to sit at home by her parents who fear for her security in this world.

Please Listen To Me. I Want To Ramble.

I can’t believe the first month of this year is already gone! I mean yeah there were days when I felt like time had stopped and nothing can make the earth rotate faster. But now as I turn the page of the calendar to a new month I realize how time actually flew away.

I had been waiting for February for so long! There is so much I have to do this month. And now that this month is actually here, I fear like I won’t be able to live up to all the excitement and expectations I have kind of thrown at this poor little month.

I think expecting too much from anything, including something completely imaginary like my fantasies is going to be like too much pressure. It’s like I have to make sure I have fun.

Like last weekend! I had such plans for those three days! Everything was ready and decided. But what actually happened was that I sprained my back and basically spent all five days on my couch, too much in pain to even curl up comfortably.

Imagine lying on a couch for that long and not even being comfortable! It’s like going to Disneyland and not going on any ride!!!

It was torture.

And why did that happen? Because I expected far too much fun from a weekend. And also because I kinda jumped out of bed in a way that paralyzed my back!

Imagine that! I was supposed to get up for college but a 5 min snooze turned out to be a 45 minute nap. And when I finally woke up and saw the time, I had a mini heart attack. And then whatever ‘jumping out of bed’ happened, resulted in me being practically paralyzed with such excruciating pain that even going to the loo was a torture.

Also, I broke the chain of one of my most favorite necklace! And I need to wera it again soon! So I have to do something about that damn thing!

Aaaaaaand I can’t find a decent pair of sneakers anywhere. Everything is either too girly or too manly. I need something in the middle. Though this logic has made my mother certify me as crazy once again, I still need something that would neither make me look like a  very manly girl nor like Tinkerbell out for a run!

And now as I write that down I realize where I’ve been going wrong all these days.

What is wrong with the universe!

I know all this makes absolutely no sense to anybody, but I just wanted to ramble aimlessly for some time.

I love you all so much.

 

PS- I’m been freakishly moody these days. Not the PMS moody. Almost like I was drunk. And not the ‘throw up and the pass out’ drunk. Like hugging every random person and saying “I love you so much. You are my true friend” kind of drunk!