The Hangover

So I usually don’t get drunk. I have a decent capacity to digest alcohol and the times I do get tipsy, I ensure that I call up my friends and blabber everything that I won’t have told them otherwise. Like the lovey dovey stuff that otherwise would be too cheesy for me.

But the thing is I don’t get drunk like I’m throwing up or passing out. In all my life, I’ve passed out twice. Literally. Once was at a friends wedding, and the other happened this weekend.

So our start up is finally hitting the floors and our team decided to go and chill for the weekend after working our asses off for the past one month without any break. We packed our bags, booked a bus, and stocked up the alcohol and went off happily playing music.

What started as a couple of shots, turned into full fledged gulps from the bottle. But that just made me happy high. Not drunk.

It was the next night when the champagne was popped and the countless vodka shots were distributed followed by the rum and coke and later on topped of with some tequila that yours truly saw the sun and the stars and the moon all at once.

The last thing I remember is throwing up in the bonfire (Yes, throwing up straight into the bonfire) and claiming that I was fine. And I assumed that it was all that happened. I threw up, my friends put me to bed I apologized repeatedly for making that damn mess and fell asleep for two hours. Two hours later I was up and about again with no hangover whatsoever. I swear to god not even a headache. That kinda bummed me out cause I was hoping for a complete blackout and all I got was a two hour nighty-night time.

Since we all had planned to just get drunk and be tipsy for the weekend, we all got into bed and happily slept way past breakfast.

But it was today when the hangover cleared, and the phones were checked, that the night that had passed started unfolding. And that too in the conference room, while we were prepping up for our meeting.

The dancing on the chairs, the pinching of cheeks, death stares to any damn to guy who tried to hit on us girls, the calls that were made and the exe’s and the crushes that were discussed all came out. Bits and pieces that all of us remembered.

After the initial shock that literally threw me off balance in my meeting, I was so happy that I literally aced all the presentations I gave today. I mean I know it was all so surprising but the revelations made me laugh like crazy. This was our first team outing and the stories that we now have from these two days are gonna make us remember this trip was years to come. Even as I type this I’m watching the drunk singing that my colleagues did that I managed to captured in my phone.

Sooooooooo, basically my valentines day became such a mystery that till now half the things are completely wiped out of our memories. We spent every spare minute trying to remember what all we did. And despite that, none of us could remember the exact things that happened that night. And trust me, we couldn’t be happier.

Also, we are planning our next trip. I can’t wait to pack my bags again.

 

 

PS: We took like 20 bottles of alcohol and forgot to pack a single bottle of water for our trip. And since it was a camping trip, the water was a scarce thing. So after throwing up like crazy, we literally gargled with coke that had been spiked with rum.

 

 

That Invisible Line

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You know before I logged in to my blog, I had a million things that I wanted to write. So much to share and literally nobody to talk to. Not because I don’t have people to share it with. I’m blessed in that department actually. It’s just that I have trouble figuring out how to put my worries into sentences that can be understood by normal people.

It’s like I have a million things going on in my mind. And none of them are connected to each other in any way. It’s almost frustrating actually. To have so many voices inside your head and still being quite about it.

So basically karma has decided to kick me in the butt. It’s so true you know, when they say ‘never say never’. Because what’s happening to me is exactly what I used to run away from. I had promised myself I would never ever do it. And yet here I am preparing to the exact same thing.

Aaaaarrrrggggghhhhhhh.

It’s like I’m so comfortable being where I am that it’s not even a zone or a mood anymore. It’s like this was me. I am this place. This is what I am. And yet every good, amazing, exciting, beautiful and insanely crazy stuff is happening on the other side. That side is not where I can be me. I mean, I can be me. Actually I could be amazing there too. It’s just that I’m so freaking nervous about jumping to the other side!!

That bloody place outside my comfort zone. I want to be there but just the mere thought of it makes my heart beat so hard that I worry it might just jump out of my chest. I worry I might be a disappointment. Or worse a failure. I’m not usually this nervous but this thing is a big deal. And it’s kind of a make or break situation. I could be that one person who was destined to do it. Or I could be that idiot who was over confident.

I’m about to cross that invisible line. And I sure as hell pray that I don’t make a fool of myself.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.

 

PS: Sorry for not making any sense up there. I just wanted to blabber like an idiot so that I could calm my freaking nerves!

The Mandatory New Year Post

2016 is about to end and I have realized that I’ve ignored my blog for a considerable amount of time this year.

So I figured it’s only fair that I at least put in a mandatory year end post. You know where I crib about how terrible this year was, or how amazing my friends turned out to be, or maybe how fantastically romantic my boyfriend was all year long.

You get the gist right?

But then that’s what everybody around me is doing. Everyone I meet is either super excited about the new year because 2016 literally sucked for them, or are really at peace because 2016 was the highest point of their entire existence.

For me 2016 turned out to be like a freaking tsunami. It had it’s fair share or super high’s, and then there were times when it’s was rock bottom…fifty feet of crap… and then me. Nothing stable basically. I was an angle half the time and a devil on drugs in the other half.

More than the year that passed away, I was browsing through my life while sitting in the sun as the Delhi winters freeze my toes.

So in the last 26 years of my life have been pretty exciting. And when I say exciting I don’t mean the regular human stuff that happens to everybody. No no no. That’ so not what happens to me. Ever. My stories have always been out of the world.

Like, I have been attacked by crows. Literally. And that too for no fault of mine. I’ve broken toilet seats, have 18 stitches  on my body from the various mishaps that happen with my accident prone body,  have fell down the stairs innumerable times, banged my head on door frames, stubbed my toe so many times that it’s almost numb, fainted in crowded metro trains, almost got a love bite from a camel and other equally embarrassing stuff.

I did have normal experiences as well. Like I’ve traveled to my favorite cities in the world, made friends who will stand like a rock between me and anything that tries to harm me, found my passion, made life changing career decisions and most importantly found love in my life.

So this year did add it’s fair share of adventures to my life. My best friend got married, I’ve traveled the most of my life this year, understood just how dumb people can behave just because they are “In Love”, realized how important it is to keep your mind busy and most importantly how being happy yourself should be the biggest priority of your life.

So while I sip on imaginary wine as I try to get a little bit warmth from the sun and my blanket I wish you guys a smashing new year. Go out there, get drunk, make new friends, find new hobbies, embrace your passions, fall in love and most importantly love yourself.

Happy New Year!

Cheers!

Of All That Was And Will Be

It keeps getting worse every year. The cold feet, the shivering hands, the numbness in my feet, the claustrophobic feeling of everything closing in of you, and the insane stress of trying to be normal.

For most people their birthday is the happiest day of the year. Then there are some like me who dread the very arrival of that one particular day.

I belong to the minority group in this world who freaks out around her birthday. I can’t pin point why but I believe somewhere around my 13th birthday I started getting this strange feeling. I just didn’t want to talk to anybody or celebrate anything. Cakes became the bane of my existence and presents till date are like a social norm. If somebody gifts me something I feel like I have to return that favor by gifting them something equally good. And for someone like me who also hates shopping (Yes, I know I’m weird), it’s like a curse. So that also gets me in the minority

Don’t get me wrong. I love birthdays in general. If it’s my friend’s birthday, I would do anything and everything in my power to make it the happiest day of their life. In fact at times I’m more excited than them! It’s just that my own birthday gives me the feeling of being trapped in a ventilator shaft.

Every year I try to keep myself calm and every year I fail miserably.

I’m hoping this year would be different.

Happy Birthday to me!

 

*Deep Breathing*

The Inevitability Of It All

It’s the middle of the week and I’m randomly going through wedding pictures by various photographers, (because that’s a part of my job!) while on the phone with my friend coordinating about what all to pack for our bestie’s wedding this weekend. There are clothes, jewelry, shoes, make up and what not to pack!!!

And while we are figuring out all this and making lists, it suddenly hits me again that my best friend is getting married! I say again because for 3 months I was in denial about her wedding.

Don’t get me wrong. I am super happy for this girl and she deserves all the happiness in this world. It’s just that we have come such a long way from freaking out over economics assignments in high school to actually shopping for  her wedding.

It’s so surreal. Searching for that perfect border for the sari, preparing dances, and making elaborate lists of what all to pack. And all this for the girl who I have known for almost a decade. She is legit like my sister.

What makes it hard for me is that she is going to move countries after her wedding. So while we would be in Delhi, she is moving to New York with her husband.

There are preparations going on around the clock and trust me wedding in India are  BIG deal. It’s a once in a lifetime kind of celebration and it’s hangover will remain forever in your mind.

I knew all this was going to happen some day. But it hits you so hard when you see such things actually happening around you. We all would obviously get married and get settled in life but all this really happening is kind of unsettling for me. All of this feels like a dream. I’m still trying to make myself believe that yes all this is really happening. Yes, she is getting married. Yes, she is going to move countries. Yes, all this is was supposed to happen.

It was all inevitable and it’s happening. And was supposed to happen. And it’s all for the best.

So I’m packing up my work and heading to get the best manicure I possibly can get because hello!!!! It’s my best friends wedding!!!!

And I can’t wait for the party to begin!

Because

Because it’s hard to find someone who would understand what you are going through.

Because it takes courage to open up to somebody. Raw and complete.

Because the scariest thing is trying to be brave when deep inside, you have been shattered.

Because at times you will be judged for every decision you ever took.

Because it’s the harsh truth that will finally help you break free.

Because our tiny little mistakes can be the reason of somebody’s heartbreak.

Because at times you want to scream out loud just so that somebody would hear you.

Because smiling through your pain is sometimes the easiest thing to do.

Because you might be surrounded by people all the time but there will be nobody who notices your tears.

Because you have to be your own hero.

Because we are so busy “trying” to be happy that we have forgotten what actual happiness feels like.

Because you’ve cried yourself to sleep on countless nights.

Because nobody has seen your tears.

Because showing people your feelings makes you feel vulnerable.

Because it hurts when nobody understands you.

Because you’ve tried and failed at making people understand.

Because it’s your fake smile that people are used to now.

Because the people you trust the most are the people who will break your heart.

Because the one person you want to talk to is far away.

Because that one person has no idea how you feel.

Because only one voice can sooth your burning soul.

Because it’s not your fault that the world is crashing around you.

Because now you have to be your strongest.

Because this too shall pass…..

Lucky Charms

Do you believe in lucky charms? Do you believe that a piece of jewelry or metal could actually bring you all the good luck that you seek? I for one don’t believe in such things. I don’t think that there really exists something like a trinket or a talisman that could actually work like magic for you.

I’m not here to judge anybody. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. And if you believe that a charm or a bracelet could do wonders to you then by all means hold on to that thing with dear life.

But I do believe in people. Somebody once told me that the biggest influence in our life is by the people we surround ourselves with. There are people who would set your mind free with all the positivity in them. And then there are people who would cage all your thoughts and make you look at everything that’s wrong with the world.

Up till now I never really had given this philosophy much thought. But in the past year I’ve observed that there is a certain change in the way I’ve started looking at things. It began in a subtle way and gradually my mind started accepting things which I otherwise would have given up thinking them to be impossible.

I started accepting the fact that no matter what I do some people will never be pleased with me. And trust me this is a hard thing for me to accept because for years I had been trying to become something I wasn’t just to get a simple nod of approval. What seemed like an immense effort came as so easily to me that the simplicity of my decisions stumped me.

I was by no means a rebel but yes I did stand up for what I loved and wanted and gave up on the false hopes of being happy while doing something that I hated. It was like I had been sleep walking all this time and somebody came and lovingly woke me up. The change was so gradual that it took me some time to realize what I had actually done!

It wasn’t until a few weeks back when I finally sat down and thought about what I was really doing because suddenly my life seemed to be going exactly where I wanted it to go!! One year was all it took to shake off 24 years worth of self pity, depression and the insane need to please people.

For most of you it might be an ordinary thing but for me it was the biggest decision of my life. To stand up for what I wanted and not give a damn to the fact that barely anybody supported me. And all this because somebody out there  was standing by my side listening to all the crap that I had to tell and still at the end of every rant tell me that everything will be fine.

4 simple words. Infinite depth in meaning. Everything will be fine.

Sometimes people inadvertently help you just by being there. They don’t do anything or say much, but them just being there with you is probably the biggest asset in your life. They will listen to you, console you, make you laugh and at times unknowing to both of you give you just the correct amount of strength that you needed to get back up and fight the entire god damn world.

I don’t know if it makes me believe in lucky charms…. but it does make me believe in that one person.