You know before I logged in to my blog, I had a million things that I wanted to write. So much to share and literally nobody to talk to. Not because I don’t have people to share it with. I’m blessed in that department actually. It’s just that I have trouble figuring out how to put my worries into sentences that can be understood by normal people.
It’s like I have a million things going on in my mind. And none of them are connected to each other in any way. It’s almost frustrating actually. To have so many voices inside your head and still being quite about it.
So basically karma has decided to kick me in the butt. It’s so true you know, when they say ‘never say never’. Because what’s happening to me is exactly what I used to run away from. I had promised myself I would never ever do it. And yet here I am preparing to the exact same thing.
It’s like I’m so comfortable being where I am that it’s not even a zone or a mood anymore. It’s like this was me. I am this place. This is what I am. And yet every good, amazing, exciting, beautiful and insanely crazy stuff is happening on the other side. That side is not where I can be me. I mean, I can be me. Actually I could be amazing there too. It’s just that I’m so freaking nervous about jumping to the other side!!
That bloody place outside my comfort zone. I want to be there but just the mere thought of it makes my heart beat so hard that I worry it might just jump out of my chest. I worry I might be a disappointment. Or worse a failure. I’m not usually this nervous but this thing is a big deal. And it’s kind of a make or break situation. I could be that one person who was destined to do it. Or I could be that idiot who was over confident.
I’m about to cross that invisible line. And I sure as hell pray that I don’t make a fool of myself.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.
PS: Sorry for not making any sense up there. I just wanted to blabber like an idiot so that I could calm my freaking nerves!