How many times have you questioned your self esteem?

If my guess is correct, there is nobody who has not at least once in their life questioned their worth in their own eyes. No matter how perfect your life is, there would have been that one moment when you doubted yourself.

And I from my experience can tell you that it is much worse when your worth is questioned by somebody else. When no matter what you did, whatever you achieved or how much hard work you put in, your efforts shall be questioned. Every bit of  your work criticized and every decision you ever made considered for the worse.

It is one thing to convince yourself that no matter what, you will get through the rough times. But it is a completely different thing to convince somebody else that you will be able to make your mark.

Not that it is important to show or even justify to somebody what all you have achieved or what you plan to do in your life.

But at times it the approval of the people around you that helps you build up the confidence in yourself. It gives you a sense of achieving something in life and being confident to conquer your dreams. It could be a simple pat on the back or maybe just a smile that could help you zoom through.

Some people would argue that its not what others think of you, but rather what you believe in that counts. So even if there is nobody to support you, you should still listen to your heart and go after your dreams.

But isn’t it a great feeling when the people around you support you and love you for what you are doing. When they cheer for you as you run towards your dreams and are the first one to celebrate when you reach the finish line. It would just give a boost to your confidence and electrify your efforts.

It’s times when there’s nobody around you when you really start questioning yourself. You doubt whether you were right in taking that decision and if it was justified that you dropped everything just to chase after your dreams and if would ever be worth the effort that you are putting in.

What if everything you are doing is utterly idiotic and you are just working according to the schemes you made in your fantasy land.

What if you lost all practical sense and don’t realize that you are actually losing out on opportunities that would have given you a better life.

What if all your plans and hard work were nothing but dust and everything that you are striving to achieve nothing but a sham.

Whats if you are fooling yourself and literally giving your life to something that is impossible to achieve.

What if everybody around you is right and the choices you made in life are going to spell doom for you.

What if the support you were looking for turns it’s back on you.

It is at that very moment that your self worth falls dangerously low in your eyes. You lose confidence and wonder whether it was ever a wise choice to do what you are doing. You question yourself to the point when you have no answers and all that comes back are the echos of every dis-encouragement that had been hurled upon you. Every so-called advice and every prophecy of a dark future comes rushing back and all you want to do is scream till every sound in your mind dies.

You try to be positive about yourself but the negativity surrounds you like the air you breathe. You choke on it and grasp at every thing that could possibly make you breathe better. But there’s nothing around you.

There’s darkness and void everywhere. You stare at the vacuum that has been created around you…..desperately looking for a glimmer of hope that would cut through and bring you back to your happy place.

It takes immense amount of courage to fight through this phase of self critique alone and get back to why you wanted to do this in the first place. The pure unadulterated happiness that you felt in your heart that nudged you to rush after your dreams.  That feeling of finally listening to your heart and shutting out every voice that ever questioned you or your faith in yourself.

I know how hard it is to get that courage because I’ve been there. Not once but innumerable times when I did what I believed was correct for me and my happiness. I’ve had everybody around me vehemently oppose to every decision I made and made me question my choices. When there was nothing I could do but curl up and sleep….wishing that when I woke up, everything would automatically fall in place.

It’s a childish thing to do but at times that was what bought me out of all the negativity that had flooded me.

Yes, it’s hard when you have practically nobody who understands how you are feeling and what you want to do. When you are standing alone, wishing that somebody would come up and say that the choices you made were truly the best thing you could have done for yourself.

But when there’s nobody around you to give you that push, then get up and push yourself. Pump up your self and believe in yourself.

Because that faith that you hold in your dreams and hard work is the only thing that will help you cut through anything that tries to stop you.

So just take a deep breath….and believe.

The Connection

R M Drake

The Search                                                The Search…(Part 2)

The Gaze                                                   The Gaze…(Part 2)

Have We Met Before?                             Have We Met Before? (Part 2)

The Answer                                              The Answer…(Part 2)

He was surprised at how easily he was able to talk to her. He had kept himself locked up inside a shell for as long as he could remember. But today it seemed like that shell had broken and he was finally free.

He had no idea where the night went. There were traces of memory when his friends left, equally surprised at his behaviour. All he knew was he had no need for more alcohol that night. He was far too drunk on her energy. Her stories, her life, the carefree attitude she had and the way she made even the most mundane topic so lively.

He loved how her hands moved in gestures when she talked. There was passion inside her that made her eyes sparkle.

Yes, she was different. There was something very extraordinary about her that he couldn’t explain. And that made him even more curious about her. They talked late into the night. It seemed so easy to talk to this stranger. But after 5 hours of non stop talking it didn’t feel strange anymore.

Something connected and he was hell bent to make sure this connection didn’t break.

Next morning he smiled while looking at his phone.

“We have to hang out again. Lets meet for  lunch.”, she had texted.

For the first time years, he looked forward to something other than work.

The Answer…(Part 2)

The Search                                                The Search…(Part 2)

The Gaze                                                   The Gaze…(Part 2)

Have We Met Before?                             Have We Met Before? (Part 2)

The Answer

“No”, He replied smiling. “But it seems like you recognize me.”

She was taken aback by his answer. His lips were smiling but she could see the darkness in his eyes. Darkness that was alluringly deep. And in those depths she saw the recognition.

There was no doubt that he recognised her as well. What she found astounding was that a 5 second glance had such an impact. Not only on her, but on him as well.

She smiled and shook her head. There was no use hiding it. They could go on playing games all night but the truth remained that they both remembered.

“Yes”, she replied laughing. “I have an uncanny ability to remember people who stare at me with a piercing gaze at random coffee houses.”

He laughed at her answer and her heart was left clinging on to those eyes that twinkled with his laughter.

“I’m sorry for that.” He replied. “I didn’t mean my gaze to be piercing. But your eyes seemed to love it anyways. Their gaze was locked with my eyes till the time you left”

Why Storms Are Named After People




Do not fall in love with the photographer in me. I will take innumerable pictures of us together so you would never be able to take out of your site the memories we created.

Do not fall in love with the traveler in me. I will take you along to the most beautiful locations on earth so that every time you travel somewhere alone your heart will yearn for me.

Do not fall in love with the writer in me. I will write letters and notes for you that would tell you everything that I find hard to say out loud; so your mind will be filled with the words I never spoke.

Do not fall in love with the avid reader in me. I will dive deep into a book and be lost for days only to come back into reality and make you read the most romantic and passionate lines I had read, so that every time you hear about love your eyes search for me.

Do not fall in love with me….I will bring to your life the addiction you had been avoiding all this time….

That Moment….

There are times when all you want to do is howl and scream your heart out….and cry yourself to sleep. But all you can do is smile and pretend that everything is fine. When every fiber your being wants to run away and never come back. When breathing becomes a task. When nobody seems to understand what you are trying to say….not because they can’t understand, but because you are unable to tell them how much it hurts inside.

When being alone is the best part of your day, but nobody will ever leave you alone to enjoy that solitude. When eyes run dry of tears and nothing seems to fill the gap inside you. When advise’s flow in from everywhere and you are unable to tell people that it’s not advise that you want. And what you want is something they will never understand. Because you yourself are unable to get rid of the storm inside you.

You know something is wrong and thinking straight takes effort. When hurting yourself seems tempting but you know that it will never prove a point. When everything seems to fall apart and you are made to watch your life shredded into pieces. When you end up hurting the people closest to you. When nothing you say seems to make sense to anybody. And eventually your words lose all sense to you as well….

At that exact moment you need to be your strongest. When nothing seems right and nobody understands you. It is possible that you and only you can make sense of whats going on. Hold on to that. Because at that exact moment, you will finally come face to face with the real you.

Blogging Challenge: Day 10



One Confession

I’m really not a confession type person. I would rather keep things a secret than scandalising or weirding out somebody. And since this is a public platform I have no idea what to confess. Because once I hit publish on this post, it going to stay on the internet forever. So there’s going to be no turning back from here.

So let’s just say this:  there has been a major change in my life. Something that I thought would never happen, And yet it is now really happening and I have no idea whether I should to be stumped into silence or jump around the city like a mad woman.

Go have fun with this!

And with this I officially complete my 10 day blogging challenge. I was thinking I would be bored by the third day but surprisingly I kept going. *pat’s herself on the back*

So here’s to many more such challenges and better writing.

Till next time…