Of All That Was And Will Be

It keeps getting worse every year. The cold feet, the shivering hands, the numbness in my feet, the claustrophobic feeling of everything closing in of you, and the insane stress of trying to be normal.

For most people their birthday is the happiest day of the year. Then there are some like me who dread the very arrival of that one particular day.

I belong to the minority group in this world who freaks out around her birthday. I can’t pin point why but I believe somewhere around my 13th birthday I started getting this strange feeling. I just didn’t want to talk to anybody or celebrate anything. Cakes became the bane of my existence and presents till date are like a social norm. If somebody gifts me something I feel like I have to return that favor by gifting them something equally good. And for someone like me who also hates shopping (Yes, I know I’m weird), it’s like a curse. So that also gets me in the minority

Don’t get me wrong. I love birthdays in general. If it’s my friend’s birthday, I would do anything and everything in my power to make it the happiest day of their life. In fact at times I’m more excited than them! It’s just that my own birthday gives me the feeling of being trapped in a ventilator shaft.

Every year I try to keep myself calm and every year I fail miserably.

I’m hoping this year would be different.

Happy Birthday to me!


*Deep Breathing*

A Hijra in the family : Coming out as genderqueer to parents.

One of the strongest and most powerful post I’v ever read. It takes courage to accept who you are. And something more than courage to let go of everything you believe for the sake of your family and loved ones. And somehow, I can feel the pain of the writer because I understand how our society works. My country still needs to go a long way before it can accept the fact that rather than the family honor, it’s your child’s happiness that should be your first priority.


I was just another boy wanting to be a girl. Now, I’ll be just another boy. I have not complained, nor do I complain now. I only tell a tale, for that’s all I’ve got. A tale, some could relate to.

This is for everyone who sees the queer movement as a superficial rich kid’s tantrum. I hail from a deeply religious middle class family with strong roots in a place known for its gender based crimes.

One of these days if I stopped existing the world wouldn’t know but I don’t want to be just another lgbt person. I don’t want to be just another statistic, just another note. I want to see the light, I want to be able to  hope but I don’t know where to look for hope, where to find it.

There was someone who told me, that maybe I should get my career sorted…

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7 Drawbacks Of Working With My Dad

I started working with my dad soon after I finished school. I did my graduation side by side and my coming to office was considered as the best thing I could ever do by my family because it meant I was serious in life and would be inheriting my dad’s practice which he had set up after 25 years of hard work.

For me, it was torture. Not that I find it bad here but being with your dad under his nose all day long can be pretty torturous. Why you ask? Well I made a list….


1. I am always on job. ALWAYS. 24/7. I can’t just shut down your computer, put the files back in the cabinets and walk home thinking “I’m done for the day.” Oh! No sir. Because my boss goes back home with I. And I usually find myself discussing some annoying client’s balance sheet while trying to relax on the couch in my living room.

Point 1




2. I can’t take a casual leave. I can’t just call up at work and say that I’m taking the day off because my dog died, simply because my dad knows I never had a dog.


Point 2



3. I am always the last to get paid. Always.

It’s the last week of the month and I’m pretty much broke. But I console myself thinking that I’m due to get my pay check next week. But the next week comes and goes   without any check. I ask your dad for it and he say’s “Oh! Did I not give you your check? I’ll give it to you soon.” And soon usually means 5 days later.


Point 3



4. I have to be extra polite to the clients. Not because they are our clients and professionalism demands courtesy. But because I am the daughter of the boss in this office and that means I need to wish every god freaking person who enters our office with folded hands.


Point 4




5. The expectations are sky high. And not just the family expectations. The clients will come and sit for prolonged periods in the office after their work is done, discussing my future and how good, better or best it is that I’ve decided to join the family business. And all I can do is sit there while politely nodding, while in my head I’ve already thought of 107 ways by which I can kill this man.

Point 5



6. It takes a lifetime of crying and cribbing to get a raise. Literally.

Point 6



7. My dad never scolds any of his employees. Even if they make huge blunders. He just patiently explains them their fault. But if I forget to put a comma in some email he told me to write, all hell breaks loose.


Point 7



But everything said and done, I can’t deny the fact that there actually are quite a lot of advantages of working with my dad. I got the job without any interview. I walk in at 11:30 am while everybody is on their desks at 10. I wear anything I like to work. Well not anything, but yeah most of the stuff people would not wear to office, because it’s mah daddy’s office! But yeah, I still want to crib and rant about how bad it is here. 😛


One of the best written post I’v ever read.

in transit


Because all women have walked to their car in the dark, keys clutched tight in hand, one poking out between two fingers.

Because when I go out to bars or clubs, I have to think about whether what I’m wearing is too suggestive, instead of putting on whatever I please.

Because I feel the need to apologize when I’m not wearing makeup or my hair hasn’t been washed, or when I’m generally looking anything other than flawless.

Because there was nothing I could do about the man who touched me inappropriately in the middle of Gillette Stadium as I waited for my then-boyfriend to come out of the bathroom. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STADIUM.

Because there was also nothing I could do when a man touched me inappropriately in the middle of a crowded street, his arm around his girlfriend. Because retaliating in the way I wanted to…

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