Happily Ever After

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My grandparents are celebrating their anniversary today. They are celebrating their togetherness which completes six and a half decades today.

65 years…That’s a really long time.

In a commitment phobic world like today, where being together for 65 months is considered a landmark achievement, these two have  held together for a almost a lifetime.

I should be the last person to talk about commitments because I’m probably the biggest commitment phobic you’l ever meet. Not because I don’t believe that I’l find true love someday or that I won’t be able to bond with somebody for life, but just because I have such a negative attitude towards relationships that I run away from any person who tries to connect with me emotionally.

For a chatterbox like me, who can make friends anywhere in the world I have just a handful of people who I really call my friends. People who stood by me when even I had given up on myself.

I don’t what makes me do this, but every time somebody connects with me on an emotional level, I run away from that person at a lightening fast speed. Partially because I fear I’l break my heart. And partially because I fear I’l break that persons heart.

And I have immense respect for the people in my life who are still with me despite my behaving like an utterly unreasonable bitch! I have screamed, cursed, fought and walked out on them and yet they still came back to me when I was done spewing venom. And the worst part is, that even though I know that I do is wrong, I still can’t get myself to get so close to somebody that I end up being habituated to him.

I worry and over analyse every aspect of every feeling I have for that person and if I see even and iota of tenderness inside me, I bolt!

But when I look at my grandparents, and see them so happy together *touchwood*, the feeling is out of this world. Two people who were were married as per the customs of ancient India at the age of 10 and 8, these two have evolved from from being strangers, to friends, to lovers to parents and to grandparents!

And life was not always easy for them. My grandfather left for higher studies and then for work leaving my grandmother with the kids. In those times, when there were hardly any means of communication,these two managed to stay together. And that too after taking into consideration the fact that my grandmother was not allowed to go to school by her in-laws and could not read or write.  So writing love letters was out of question.

They have braved tough times together, and have seen happy times in abundance. They recently welcomed their fifth grandchild into this world and are now preparing for their eldest grandchild to get married.

And it’s not that everything is always lovey-dovey for them. Sometimes they behave like two toddlers locked up in a room with just one toy to play with! They fight like kids and argue about lame things. Then both of them go into separate rooms and emerge an hour later because they were hungry!

These two are the only reason why I, despite being a commitment phobic believe that someday I too would get that happy ending. And I hope and pray that my happily ever after looks like what I see with these two. Not the flowers and gift type materialistic love. But something so deep that you never need words to express it.

 

 

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Silver Linings

Arrange marriages always befuddled me. The thought of spending your life with someone you don’t know seems weird. And though I belong to a country where arrange marriages are still a pretty common thing, I tend to be a little apprehensive about the whole concept. Not that they are bad in any way. It’s just that when you meet someone, they will obviously show you their good side. Who knows what creepiness hides behind that smile.

My parents just completed 25 years of their marriage and all my life I’ve been fascinated at how these two, despite being poles apart in personalities and temperaments, have managed to stay together and sane. These two are probably the perfect example of opposites attract.

They were set up by their parents through a newspaper matrimonial column. They met a couple of times and god alone knows what they talked about cause these two agreed to the match pretty quickly.

Though in those times people rarely allowed the girl and boy to meet often before the wedding, my grandparents were pretty open in their thinking and these two often met at ‘The Host’ in Connaught Place for tea. Those were days when there were no Starbucks or Café Coffee Day’s. So meeting over Chai and Pakora’s was their date.

There was no phone at my dad’s place so he used to call my mom from work. They couldn’t have talked much because my mom tells me that in those days, call rates were quite high. In this age and day we have Skype and Whats app and endless other ways to communicate with someone. But 20-30 years back, when there was barely a landline phone in every home, getting to know the other person was a humongous task.

After 6 months of courtship, they got married with much pomp and show.

Over these 25 years, I’ve seen my parents going from a simple middle class lifestyle to luxury cars and Rado watches. Not that I was there for all these 25 years. But this is what I remember. They’ve worked together and built a solid foundation for me and my sister.

I still don’t understand how these two have over the years maintained their sanity. I’ve never seen them fight. I mean yeah, they argue about stuff, but I’ve never seen them scream at each other or bang doors. And that is because strangely, every time one of them is in a bad mood, the other one makes himself scarce. Like they avoid each other till they cool down and then have lengthy discussions.

And when I say lengthy, it means I could have a round trip to the moon by the time they finish. These two just looooove discussing things elaborately.

I know I’m too going to have an arranged marriage, because believe me no normal person in his right senses would date me. If in these 24 years of my life I couldn’t find a guy, despite there being more guys than girls on this planet, I can very safely say that my parents would have to make a huge effort to find that one guy who can handle the craziness that is their daughter. 😛

And though this arranged marriage thing scares the shit outta me, I find solace in the fact that if these two could be together and make things work and celebrate a silver jubilee, then maybe it won’t be that hard to make place for a person in your heart even if you don’t know much about him.

Life will be like a mystery then. Unfolding new things about each other every day and making it work together towards that much dreamed about happily ever after. Despite all the thunder and clouds, maybe I too can find my silver lining.