Fear

You know you are kick-starting a company when your days are spent thinking about spreadsheets, contracts, collaborations and how to stay patient.

And you binge eat chocolate chip ice cream or play counter strike to stay calm while you talk to hundreds of people who have basically shredded your ego to bits.

I always knew that running your own company would never be cakewalk. Yes there are companies who were literally billionaires within months but that’s not the case with everyone. It literally takes your blood and sweat to keep it running.

Just keeping your calm is enough to shake the very foundation of whatever stock of patience you thought you had.

Also the constant fear of whether or not you are going down the right path! Even though nobody tells you it would not work and you keep getting positive feedback, and people actually accept your product, there is this insane fear of being rejected. And no matter how much you keep telling others that you need to give time to your business and keep talking to as many people as possible, the ground reality is that you are freaked out and your mind is working all the times.

Even your dreams are around your business and how some random person has come up and become your competition! (I literally have a crystal clear picture of that dream in my mind!)

Yes, it’s fear that makes you work hard and keeps you pumped, but at the same time it’s fear that gives you palpitations that you can sometimes mistake for heart attacks!

It’s crazy and freaky and exciting and worrisome and scary all rolled into one!

And yes, at times I really fear it.

Life Lessons Via Jim Carrey

 

I must confess that I’m a sucker for inspirational videos. Anything that gives me even an ounce of positivity attracts me like a moth to flame. But recently everything I read or watched gave me absolutely nothing. I mean I want something that would get my grey cells working and make me jump out of my chair to run after my dreams.

So when this video popped up on my Facebook page today, I would have given it a cursory glance, but Jim Carrey has a certain power on me. That man cracks me up like anything. What he said here is literally hands down the best thing I’v seen in a long long loooong time.

Not that it’s something I haven’t watched before or something I don’t know. But there is a certain way to tell something and this man has the ability to knock the air out of you with the way he speaks. It’s very easy to talk about positivity and dreams. But it’s a completely different thing to talk about it in a way that it makes people get up take notice.

15 minutes of pure genius. Also unadulterated love for Jimmy boy! ❤

Believe

How many times have you questioned your self esteem?

If my guess is correct, there is nobody who has not at least once in their life questioned their worth in their own eyes. No matter how perfect your life is, there would have been that one moment when you doubted yourself.

And I from my experience can tell you that it is much worse when your worth is questioned by somebody else. When no matter what you did, whatever you achieved or how much hard work you put in, your efforts shall be questioned. Every bit of  your work criticized and every decision you ever made considered for the worse.

It is one thing to convince yourself that no matter what, you will get through the rough times. But it is a completely different thing to convince somebody else that you will be able to make your mark.

Not that it is important to show or even justify to somebody what all you have achieved or what you plan to do in your life.

But at times it the approval of the people around you that helps you build up the confidence in yourself. It gives you a sense of achieving something in life and being confident to conquer your dreams. It could be a simple pat on the back or maybe just a smile that could help you zoom through.

Some people would argue that its not what others think of you, but rather what you believe in that counts. So even if there is nobody to support you, you should still listen to your heart and go after your dreams.

But isn’t it a great feeling when the people around you support you and love you for what you are doing. When they cheer for you as you run towards your dreams and are the first one to celebrate when you reach the finish line. It would just give a boost to your confidence and electrify your efforts.

It’s times when there’s nobody around you when you really start questioning yourself. You doubt whether you were right in taking that decision and if it was justified that you dropped everything just to chase after your dreams and if would ever be worth the effort that you are putting in.

What if everything you are doing is utterly idiotic and you are just working according to the schemes you made in your fantasy land.

What if you lost all practical sense and don’t realize that you are actually losing out on opportunities that would have given you a better life.

What if all your plans and hard work were nothing but dust and everything that you are striving to achieve nothing but a sham.

Whats if you are fooling yourself and literally giving your life to something that is impossible to achieve.

What if everybody around you is right and the choices you made in life are going to spell doom for you.

What if the support you were looking for turns it’s back on you.

It is at that very moment that your self worth falls dangerously low in your eyes. You lose confidence and wonder whether it was ever a wise choice to do what you are doing. You question yourself to the point when you have no answers and all that comes back are the echos of every dis-encouragement that had been hurled upon you. Every so-called advice and every prophecy of a dark future comes rushing back and all you want to do is scream till every sound in your mind dies.

You try to be positive about yourself but the negativity surrounds you like the air you breathe. You choke on it and grasp at every thing that could possibly make you breathe better. But there’s nothing around you.

There’s darkness and void everywhere. You stare at the vacuum that has been created around you…..desperately looking for a glimmer of hope that would cut through and bring you back to your happy place.

It takes immense amount of courage to fight through this phase of self critique alone and get back to why you wanted to do this in the first place. The pure unadulterated happiness that you felt in your heart that nudged you to rush after your dreams.  That feeling of finally listening to your heart and shutting out every voice that ever questioned you or your faith in yourself.

I know how hard it is to get that courage because I’ve been there. Not once but innumerable times when I did what I believed was correct for me and my happiness. I’ve had everybody around me vehemently oppose to every decision I made and made me question my choices. When there was nothing I could do but curl up and sleep….wishing that when I woke up, everything would automatically fall in place.

It’s a childish thing to do but at times that was what bought me out of all the negativity that had flooded me.

Yes, it’s hard when you have practically nobody who understands how you are feeling and what you want to do. When you are standing alone, wishing that somebody would come up and say that the choices you made were truly the best thing you could have done for yourself.

But when there’s nobody around you to give you that push, then get up and push yourself. Pump up your self and believe in yourself.

Because that faith that you hold in your dreams and hard work is the only thing that will help you cut through anything that tries to stop you.

So just take a deep breath….and believe.

The Gaze….(Part 2)

The Search

The Search…(Part 2)

The Gaze

She always had a certain restlessness to her. She had to be constantly moving. Sitting still was not her cup of tea. She’d rather run around frantically than sit down like a lady and get things done.

Her mind was always at ten different places. She had long forgotten what being calm felt like. It was better to just be free. It had taken immense effort on her part to understand that she just could not control everything.

Especially her emotions…

She lived her life on her terms. The realities of life bored her. She had built her own sweet world with her imagination. And with that imagination she was never alone. Her thoughts and dreams became her closest companions.

She had been busy day dreaming when she entered her favorite coffee shop. All she had to do was grab her coffee and leave for her meeting.

And that is what she would have done if she had not turned her head and met that piercing gaze.

His eyes were almost hypnotic; pulling you towards them.  Deep and calm, like they had seen the world, and could now read her soul just by looking at her. A couple of seconds was all it took for her to be completely mesmerized.

And now, hours later, all she could do was think about him….

A Nation Awakens

 

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For all of you who don’t know, today is a very important day in India. The election results came out today. Yes, the biggest democracy in the world formed a new government today while literally creating history.

A sweeping majority won by the new party, BJP who would now lead this nation comprising of over 1.2 billion people. People who after a long time came together and created history with their votes. I have never in my life seen this kind of result in my country. States which have never shown any sign of voting for BJP ever have supported it. And all this because of one man who emerged as the hero figure all throughout the elections and today is proudly presented to the people as the next Prime Minister of India, Narendra Modi.

This man had given the people of India a hope to turn our nation into a far more developed and progressed nation than what it is now. It pains me to say this but India at this point of time is literally down the dumps. The rich are getting richer, and the poor are getting poorer. The cities are progressing and the villages are getting more and more backwards.

If you look at the major cities of India like New Delhi, Mumbai, Bangalore or Chennai, you would probably think India is actually on it’s way to become the next super power as is said by the various survey’s around the world. But take one look at any person living in village of some of the lesser developed states, and you would bless the lord for all the blessings he has given you.

That is the stark contrast India has. A country which is even after nearly 67 years of Independence is considered as a third world country, solely because the the government was far too busy filling it’s own pockets with all the black money at it could find.

India was called the ‘Golden Bird’ prior to the British rule. That was because it was said to be so rich in resources that there were hardly any poor people there.

I still consider this country as the golden bird. We still have the same resources and riches, but they are now concentrated in a few hands. Even a lower class person would have some gold in his name. Gold. The one metal that has almost a godly place in our culture. Earlier it was all out in the open. Now it is hidden, stored away and kept in bank lockers.

There are still people who don’t have a proper roof over their heads, and good food to eat. And then there are people who have 3 BMW’s, 2 Audi’s and 1 Jaguar. This is a case of a family of 5 people. 5 people, 6 cars.

Narendra Modi is coming to power in India in a way like Mr. Barack Obama came to power in the USA. USA was gripped by recession and he was given the task to pull it out of it. Modi is facing a similar situation in India. The country in showing a very low GDP. The value of rupee has declined way below normal against the US dollar. And the list of scams and corruptions is probably longer that my height.

The nation has voted for a man who has proved himself a good minister by making the state of Gujarat, of which he was the chief minister a model of development.

Yes, the task is herculean, but the people of India have put all their hopes and dreams on this man. They have put aside all the regional parties which nearly always just create mischief when any important decision is to be taken and given this man a clear sweeping majority. Let’s hope that this awakening takes India forward and makes it a far more prosperous country.

 

 

Childhood Dreams

 

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Childhood undoubtedly is the best time of our lives. The carefree days spent lazing around with homework being the biggest tension of life. The fights were over crayons, and the competitions were about who could jump the highest and touch a star.

I’v had my fair share of jumping and trying to catch a shooting star, so that I could make a wish. Because then the wish would obviously come as the star was with me and it had to give me what I wanted so that it could go back to the sky again!

Yeah, that was the logic that I used. And the wish was always the same. I wanted my own line of air crafts.

Back then the airfares were high and travelling by air was a luxury most middle class families could not afford. And since there was only ‘Air India’ back then, I wanted an ‘Air Urshita’ all for my self.

My school was near the airport and I could see planes flying outside my classroom all day. I’v waved to every plane that flew above thinking the people sitting in there would see me and would probably wave me back.   

By the time I reached 6 th grade, I had finalised how my plane would look from inside, what would be the colour schemes and I was thinking on the lines of getting my own airport!

As I grew up I realised how silly I was being. And as the time passed away, I forgot about the airline completely. 

But today, I sit in near the airport runway, and watch the planes taking off and landing, and I feel nostalgic. I had spent years wanting ‘Air Urshita’ and growing up took that away from me. Not that I haven’t thought of buying an airline now. I just need to earn millions or maybe marry a millionaire. Both of which seem to be impossible. (And now I realise that I could be looking like a security threat for parking my car here and staring at the airport for so long. :P)

I’l try my best to get this dream come true. And maybe someday, god willing there would be a “Air Urshita”.

So I sit here and wait for the night so that I can jump up high and maybe this time, I catch a shooting star. 

 

Man Proposes, God Disposes

When I was 8 years old, I wanted to be a navy officer. When I was 13, I wanted to be a botanist. By the time I was 16, I wanted to be a chartered accountant. And till about a couple of years back that was all I was striving to be. But there was something else that had caught my fancy by then.

We had a digital camera which I loved. I clicked hundred’s of pictures of anything and everything. So much so that the camera was so overused, the camera company actually asked me how many pictures had I taken with it! They were surprised when I told them the grand figure. The poor camera never worked again. It’s still lying in my cupboard as my first camera.

That was when it struck me how much I enjoyed clicking pictures. But just because I loved clicking pictures did not mean I could make a career shift. No. My parents were pretty adamant that things like photography and writing should remain as a hobby in your life. Its a professional degree alone that would help you in making a living.

So learning photography and it’s techniques was out of question. I continued with my studies while I started saving all my pocket money. For nearly a year, I did not spend a penny on me. I didn’t go out with friends much, didn’t go shopping I just saved every damn penny I had. And on my 22nd birthday I finally gifted myself a D.S.L.R. camera. Oh! the joy of actually realising that you have brought something you wanted so badly.

And the irony of my life was, that when I planned to be a photographer, some twists and turns in my life made me end up being a law student.

We plan everything in our life. We make a bucket list of the “things we want to do before so and so time”. But  how many of these plans do we actually follow. I don’t know if it happens to everyone but every time I plan something about my life, the complete opposite happens with me. And then some years later I think about all the plans I made that never came to anything fruitful.

It has happened with my friends. They planned everything. Followed it meticulously  and just as they were about to get the mission completed, a single incident changed the entire course of their lives.

So if it happens every time with us, then why do we even bother planning? Why don’t we just let fate and god do whatever they think is right and just sit back and enjoy?

When I asked my bestie this question, she said that it’s simple, because life gives us an opportunity to improvise our plans and make the best of all that we have. In simple terms, life would throw truck loads of lemons at us, but it’s up to us whether we make lemonade out of it or let them rot on our head.

Hmm…she has a point. I may have not made lemonade every time and had let everything fall apart at times, but there have always been times when Iv gone ahead and made a whole new cocktail! So yeah, maybe planning is something we all need to do so that those plans end up being the sugar in our lemonade.

Planning gives us a path to walk where life can throw hundred’s of surprises and let us make a complete utter fool of ourselves. So if we don’t plan, we wont have a path to walk on and that would be like wasting your life!

But at the end, I believe that all these surprises help us learn how to avoid being fooled by life. And so the next time we get lemons, we may just improvise our plans and make a lemon cheesecake of it! 😀

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