The Search The Search…(Part 2)
The Gaze The Gaze…(Part 2)
Have We Met Before? Have We Met Before? (Part 2)
For years he had been running away from emotions. From anything that could remotely make him fall in love. Love was not what he wanted. He had far too much darkness inside him. And nobody had ever dared to reach out for that. A darkness that was lost in simplicity, and yet was too complicated to be brought out in the open.
He had controlled every thought and every emotion in him.
But all this week, for the first time in years, he felt like he was losing control. And looking at her, standing in front of him, he understood why….
There was mischief in those eyes. And a flash of recognition. She didn’t look like all the other girls in this club who yearned attention. No. She was far too different from them. She had that look about her that was hard to explain. She appeared to be nonchalant but her drumming fingernails showed her restlessness.
“I’m sorry, but have we met before?”, she asked.
He had been mesmerized with her eyes and with this question he saw the fire in them. Fire, that pulled him like a moth towards it. Fiery and blazing.
“No”, He replied smiling. “But it seems like you recognize me.”
The Search…..(Part 2)
He liked to be in control of everything. His work, the people who worked for him, his life and his emotions…
Especially his emotions.
He had let his emotions get out of control once. Long time back when he had no idea how much it hurts when somebody close to your heart, leaves you in such sorrow that even breathing becomes difficult.
There was a reason why he was so wary of love. Love made you lose control. Your mind wandered off on ideas that gave rise to emotions you could never understand. He wanted to know what he was feeling. He hated surprises in that department.
For years he had kept every emotion and feeling under control. He stayed away from anybody who tried to connect with him on an emotional level. And it had worked.
But today, for the first time in years he felt like his mind was not listening to him.
He had been sitting in a coffee shop when he saw her. She seemed to be in a hurry. She had quickly placed her order while impatiently drumming her nails on the counter.
Her hair that were left open, fell in soft waves on her shoulders, almost covering her face. He would have looked away if at that very moment she had not turned her head his way.
Deep mahogany eyes lined with kohl met his gaze. Eye’s so deep that he found it impossible to look away from them.
Their eyes had met for a couple of seconds….and now hours after that chance encounter, he still couldn’t get them out of his mind.
Sleep eluded him as he tried to fathom how magnetically beautiful a pair of eyes could be….
There was something insanely attractive about those eye’s. Deep brown and magically hypnotic. They could suck out your soul by just gazing at you.
They say that eye’s are the window to your soul. But in those eye’s you could see every possible emotion that you have ever felt held together with such depth that it was like staring into the universe. Mysterious and infinite. They mirrored every feeling you had and you could see every inner conflict that raged between your heart and your mind.
Eye’s which you could stare into for infinity and beyond and still not feel satiated. And if they looked away, something inside you snapped. Like looking into them was the only thing that gave meaning to your presence in this universe. And if it wasn’t for those eye’s, nothing would seem right.
Eye’s that pull you towards them, and with a blink could shatter you into a million pieces.
And it is then that you realize how fragile your existence had been before their gaze had fallen upon you. And with that gaze, the universe now feels complete.
Have you ever felt like there is a meaningless conflict between your heart and your mind? Like there is complete chaos in your soul and it seems to be sucking you in no matter how much you try to avoid it.
You sit back, take deep breaths, try and calm yourself down but nothing works. There is panic and anxiety. But you don’t know why….
Nothing is wrong with you or your life. And yet you feel like something is missing. Something that you crave from the bottom of your heart but you have no idea what it is.
You try and get yourself busy. You do everything that you can do to keep your mind off the emptiness you feel. Not because you are running away from something, but because you don’t know what you want and there is nothing and nobody that can help you get out of this chaos that is inside you.
And when you finally surrender yourself to this unending wave of emotions, somebody pulls you out of it with such ease that you are knocked out by the simplicity with which it happened. A touch, a smile, a caress was all that you needed to get your self together.
Just being there with somebody and knowing that their mere presence is all that you will ever need can have an infinitely calming effect on you. Like you know that no matter how broken you are, there is somebody who will pick up those pieces and is willing to fix you.
It is at that moment that you finally understand what it feels like to be at peace. With yourself and with the universe.
Have you ever felt as if your mind is overflowing with all the emotions known to you? And that too without any logical reason?
It feels like happiness, anger, joy, frustration, love, jealousy and pain are all rolled into one and the mind takes you surfing through this wave of overwhelming emotions.
Your life is good, there is nothing wrong in your life which cannot be fixed and everything is happening like it is supposed to happen and yet, there is this sinking feeling inside you.
Like you’re riding this wave and there is no surfboard under you. You are just going with the wave. And this wave seems to go on endlessly.
You try and get hold of yourself, but there is nothing you can do. You can feel yourself drowning but there is nothing to help to get out.
You try hard. Frantically doing everything that could help you overcome this sinking feeling. But nothing helps.
There’s blank infinity in front of you.
You look around you and try to get hold of something….anything.
Anything that would pull you out of this wave. But there is nothing out there to help you. It’s just you.
You need to put in everything you have to get out of this. Only you can help yourself from drowning.
And you must do it before it’s too late.