The Inevitability Of It All

It’s the middle of the week and I’m randomly going through wedding pictures by various photographers, (because that’s a part of my job!) while on the phone with my friend coordinating about what all to pack for our bestie’s wedding this weekend. There are clothes, jewelry, shoes, make up and what not to pack!!!

And while we are figuring out all this and making lists, it suddenly hits me again that my best friend is getting married! I say again because for 3 months I was in denial about her wedding.

Don’t get me wrong. I am super happy for this girl and she deserves all the happiness in this world. It’s just that we have come such a long way from freaking out over economics assignments in high school to actually shopping for  her wedding.

It’s so surreal. Searching for that perfect border for the sari, preparing dances, and making elaborate lists of what all to pack. And all this for the girl who I have known for almost a decade. She is legit like my sister.

What makes it hard for me is that she is going to move countries after her wedding. So while we would be in Delhi, she is moving to New York with her husband.

There are preparations going on around the clock and trust me wedding in India are  BIG deal. It’s a once in a lifetime kind of celebration and it’s hangover will remain forever in your mind.

I knew all this was going to happen some day. But it hits you so hard when you see such things actually happening around you. We all would obviously get married and get settled in life but all this really happening is kind of unsettling for me. All of this feels like a dream. I’m still trying to make myself believe that yes all this is really happening. Yes, she is getting married. Yes, she is going to move countries. Yes, all this is was supposed to happen.

It was all inevitable and it’s happening. And was supposed to happen. And it’s all for the best.

So I’m packing up my work and heading to get the best manicure I possibly can get because hello!!!! It’s my best friends wedding!!!!

And I can’t wait for the party to begin!

Because

Because it’s hard to find someone who would understand what you are going through.

Because it takes courage to open up to somebody. Raw and complete.

Because the scariest thing is trying to be brave when deep inside, you have been shattered.

Because at times you will be judged for every decision you ever took.

Because it’s the harsh truth that will finally help you break free.

Because our tiny little mistakes can be the reason of somebody’s heartbreak.

Because at times you want to scream out loud just so that somebody would hear you.

Because smiling through your pain is sometimes the easiest thing to do.

Because you might be surrounded by people all the time but there will be nobody who notices your tears.

Because you have to be your own hero.

Because we are so busy “trying” to be happy that we have forgotten what actual happiness feels like.

Because you’ve cried yourself to sleep on countless nights.

Because nobody has seen your tears.

Because showing people your feelings makes you feel vulnerable.

Because it hurts when nobody understands you.

Because you’ve tried and failed at making people understand.

Because it’s your fake smile that people are used to now.

Because the people you trust the most are the people who will break your heart.

Because the one person you want to talk to is far away.

Because that one person has no idea how you feel.

Because only one voice can sooth your burning soul.

Because it’s not your fault that the world is crashing around you.

Because now you have to be your strongest.

Because this too shall pass…..

Lucky Charms

Do you believe in lucky charms? Do you believe that a piece of jewelry or metal could actually bring you all the good luck that you seek? I for one don’t believe in such things. I don’t think that there really exists something like a trinket or a talisman that could actually work like magic for you.

I’m not here to judge anybody. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. And if you believe that a charm or a bracelet could do wonders to you then by all means hold on to that thing with dear life.

But I do believe in people. Somebody once told me that the biggest influence in our life is by the people we surround ourselves with. There are people who would set your mind free with all the positivity in them. And then there are people who would cage all your thoughts and make you look at everything that’s wrong with the world.

Up till now I never really had given this philosophy much thought. But in the past year I’ve observed that there is a certain change in the way I’ve started looking at things. It began in a subtle way and gradually my mind started accepting things which I otherwise would have given up thinking them to be impossible.

I started accepting the fact that no matter what I do some people will never be pleased with me. And trust me this is a hard thing for me to accept because for years I had been trying to become something I wasn’t just to get a simple nod of approval. What seemed like an immense effort came as so easily to me that the simplicity of my decisions stumped me.

I was by no means a rebel but yes I did stand up for what I loved and wanted and gave up on the false hopes of being happy while doing something that I hated. It was like I had been sleep walking all this time and somebody came and lovingly woke me up. The change was so gradual that it took me some time to realize what I had actually done!

It wasn’t until a few weeks back when I finally sat down and thought about what I was really doing because suddenly my life seemed to be going exactly where I wanted it to go!! One year was all it took to shake off 24 years worth of self pity, depression and the insane need to please people.

For most of you it might be an ordinary thing but for me it was the biggest decision of my life. To stand up for what I wanted and not give a damn to the fact that barely anybody supported me. And all this because somebody out there  was standing by my side listening to all the crap that I had to tell and still at the end of every rant tell me that everything will be fine.

4 simple words. Infinite depth in meaning. Everything will be fine.

Sometimes people inadvertently help you just by being there. They don’t do anything or say much, but them just being there with you is probably the biggest asset in your life. They will listen to you, console you, make you laugh and at times unknowing to both of you give you just the correct amount of strength that you needed to get back up and fight the entire god damn world.

I don’t know if it makes me believe in lucky charms…. but it does make me believe in that one person.

 

Life Lessons Via Jim Carrey

 

I must confess that I’m a sucker for inspirational videos. Anything that gives me even an ounce of positivity attracts me like a moth to flame. But recently everything I read or watched gave me absolutely nothing. I mean I want something that would get my grey cells working and make me jump out of my chair to run after my dreams.

So when this video popped up on my Facebook page today, I would have given it a cursory glance, but Jim Carrey has a certain power on me. That man cracks me up like anything. What he said here is literally hands down the best thing I’v seen in a long long loooong time.

Not that it’s something I haven’t watched before or something I don’t know. But there is a certain way to tell something and this man has the ability to knock the air out of you with the way he speaks. It’s very easy to talk about positivity and dreams. But it’s a completely different thing to talk about it in a way that it makes people get up take notice.

15 minutes of pure genius. Also unadulterated love for Jimmy boy! ❤

No Regrets

Long time back, when I was in school, I was addicted to those Agatha Christie novels. I used to read them like crazy and I believe I must have read all of them.

One of my favorite of her books is “After the Funeral”; A mystery of revolving around the murder of Mr. Richard Abernethie and his sister Cora.

I don’t really remember all the character now but I remember at one point this guy asks his sister, “Don’t you have any regrets?”, and she calmly replies, “It’s a waste of time, having regrets”.

This dialogue has been stuck in my head ever since. I read numerous other novels after this one but no other dialogue ever appealed me as this one did.

Regret. Those sad disappointing feelings that sometimes feel like they are piercing your heart.

So many times in life we fail to do something which ultimately makes us regret that moment for years to come.

Logic, society, common sense, manners, fear and god knows what all has stopped us from doing what we always wanted to do.

I’m sure all of us can count the incidents in our life we regret. Things we didn’t say, and decisions we didn’t make.

I don’t know about everybody else, but I’ve had my fair share of things that I for a long time regretted. A long list of things I wanted to do and feelings I wanted to express.

There was a point in my life when my list of regrets was longer than my list of things that made me happy. And each of those regrets were like a wakeup call for me.

I remember somebody telling me, that one day your whole life would flash before your eyes. Make it worth a watch.

I didn’t want my life to be a bundle of regrets, so I decided to just let everything go and do what my heart wanted.

Over time I’ve committed massive blunders, made horrible mistakes and made a complete utter fool of myself in front of strangers.

But I also know that in spite of all this, I made some absolutely fabulous friends, found my passion in life and did what my I wanted to do rather than what everybody else expected me to do.

And today, years after I made that decision, I stand here happy and content. I’ve realized that after all these years, I really don’t give a damn if somebody thought my choices were wrong, or if somebody did not liked the way I dressed or if somebody absolutely hated the way I talked and considered me a blubbering idiot.

Everybody around you will always keep telling you what to do and what not to do. I’ve had my parents and friends and neighbors and random people I just met tell me what I should do in life.

But at the end of everything, and with all due respect to each one of them, I made choices that I felt were correct for me. Even if they were wrong I knew that these were the choices I made and hence I’m the only one responsible for anything that ever happens to me.

All that matters today is that I did what I wanted to and that deep down inside me I know that I’m very happy.

Every single regret that we have in life is because of a simple fact, that we were not able to stand up for our happiness. It takes guts to do what you want to do and when you know everybody else is against it. But somehow I’ve seen that it is easier to go against ever body and do what your heart tells you to do than to regret it years later.

Take risks in life. Either you’ll get what you wanted or you would gain an experience which would be more valuable than anything else in this world.

Fall in love with some body and tell them about your feelings. If they do love you back then spread that happiness everywhere. And if they don’t love you back then fall headlong into a tub of chocolate chip ice cream and emerge back stronger.

Love what you do. And if you can’t love it, then ditch that stupid job and do what you love.

Dress the way you like. If you like what you’re wearing then just don’t give a damn to what others think.

Try new places to eat. Who know what food heaven you might end up finding.

If you really want to buy those funky looking shoes then go running toward those neon pink pumps. They might be super duper expensive but it’s OK to be broke once in a while.

Listen to what your heart says. Do everything you like to do. It’s your life. Do what you want to do with it.

Because someday, when you are 80 and are looking back at your life, you should feel like you’ve utilized every god freaking day and have lived your life to the fullest.

At the end, when the curtain are about to fall,you should have no regrets.

It Was Worth The Wait

You could see the overflowing love in Abhimanyu’s eyes for her as she walked down that majestic staircase. The antique chandelier right above that staircase gave a royal touch to her entry. For anybody else, this was the perfect entry for the bride. But he did not see any of this. He had eyes only for her. His bride.

She looked resplendent in her red and gold lehenga.  Jewels glittered at her neck and ears but he only saw the twinkle in her eyes as she looked up and saw him.

His best friend, Kartik, standing right behind him gave a warm squeeze on his shoulder. Abhimanyu knew how happy everybody was for them. And as she slowly walked towards him, his mind went 6 years back down the memory lane.

6 years. He had waited that long for this day. He remembered the first day she walked towards him. They were introduced to each other at a new year’s party. He had been too drunk to remember anything but a polite handshake with her. At least he had not misbehaved or embarrassed himself.

The next day he saw her picture. Deep brown eyes, good dressing, waist long black hair, and that angelic smile. He tried to remember what happened last night and cursed the damn martini’s.

It was nearly 7 months later when they met again and gradually became close friends. And it was not long before he knew he was in love.

The only problem was that he never had the courage to tell her this. She was a social butterfly. Constantly in the company of good looking guys who were dying to have just one date with her. He, an average looking guy with nothing but a golden heart. But hearts have seldom won the ‘Love at first sight’ game.

She went on numerous dates. And every time she dressed up, she clicked a selfy and sent it to Abhimanyu for approval.  And every single time she outdid herself.

But it always ended with just dates. She never committed to anybody for she claimed nobody suited her. Abhimanyu wanted to tell her his feelings but he always feared he might lose a very close friend if she didn’t feel the same way. This thought always stopped him telling her how much he loved her.

Kartik tried to make Abhimanyu meet new girls and coxed him to forget about her because he knew Abhimanyu would never confess his love to her. But no matter how much he tried, he could never take her out of her heart.

Abhimanyu was happiest when she was with him and often they went exploring new eating joints in the city for they both shared a common love for food.

It was some months later when she called him up excitedly to tell him she had landed a dream job in New York. The contract was 3 years long and she just couldn’t wait to leave!

Abhimanyu’s world came crashing down around him. New York? It was thousands of miles away and he had no idea if such distance would let their friendship survive. He had seen deep rooted relationships dwindle with such distance. How could he, a mere friend to her be sure that she would still be in contact with her after being away for 3 years?

Initially she sent him emails describing how happy she was there and how she had met so many new people. But as the work increased, her emails became less regular.

He knew she was flooded with proposals from good looking guys there and he tried to not let that stop him from being happy for her. That was all he wanted. Her happiness.

Kartik had told him innumerable times to forget about her. But he waited. He had no idea what he was waiting for. All he knew was that he was madly in love with her and he wanted to see her happy.

Time flew away and the day came when she was coming back. Abhimanyu was eager to see her again. They had video chats but looking at her in person was a different feeling altogether.

Her flight was due for arrival at 6 in the eveining. He fidgeted all day barely able to control his excitement. He rushed to the airport with such a big smile that he could feel his cheeks hurt.

He kept looking at the flight arrival times and walked impatiently up and down the waiting lounge.

And when she finally walked in, his heart skipped a beat. To him it seemed like the distance has beautified her even more.

She ran to him and hugged him so hard that he could barely breathe.

“I missed you so much”, she said

“I missed you too”, he replied.

They looked into each other’s eyes. He never wanted to look away from those eyes.

“So are you going to say it now or do I need to wait for a few more years?”

“Say what?” he asked confused.

“Come on man. Tell her now. It’s high time and frankly I’m bored of the slow pace of your love story”, called a voice behind them.

Abhimanyu turned around and saw Kartik giving him his impish grin and looking really pleased with himself.

“What the hell are you doing here? I thought you had a meeting!” Said Abhimanyu .

“I do. And frankly I’m late for it”. Kartik replied laughing.

Abhimanyu looked at her. She had doubled over laughing.

Kartki slapped him on the back and said, “Dude just tell her how you’ve written 40 pages long love songs for her while she was in New York. And how you waited day and night for her emails. Oh! And also how you’ve ruined my every effort to get you hooked with some other girl. And much as I would love to see the end of this, I’m running late and I have to rush. Ciao dude.”

He winked at her, gave a friendly slap on Abhimanyu’s back and left as casually as he had arrived.

Abhimanyu looked aghast.

“I’m still waiting.” She said

“What the hell is going on!” exclaimed Abhimanyu.

“Kartik called me a few days back and told me what you felt about me. I didn’t believe at first because for years I had been dropping hints and you never responded. So I had backed out thinking you just thought of me as a friend. And I didn’t want to ruin our friendship because of what I felt.” She told him.

To say that he was shocked would be an understatement. Was she saying that she loved him? Dis she really say that she loved him and all this while he had been sitting around like an idiot thinking that she just thought of him as a friend!

“I love you Abhimanyu. And I have loved you for so long. I can’t pin point to when it happened, but all I know is that I can’t think of being with any other guy than you.”

“I love you too Aditi. More than I could ever explain to you.”. It felt so good telling her this.

“And it took you 6 years to tell me this.”She said taking a step back and crossing her arms.

“As if you asked me out a hundred times over!”

“I was scared!”

“So was I. And now that I know you love me too, I’m not going to let you get away from my sight for even a second.”

He pulled her towards him and held her close to him. He looked into her eyes and saw her crying. He kissed those tears away and held her tightly in his arms.

It had taken them 6 years to confess their love to each other. 6 years of waiting.

He was shaken back into reality by Kartik who gave him a questioning look. He shook his head and smiled at him.

And as he gave her his hand and helped her up on the stage where their wedding ceremony was to take place, he looked at her and saw her give him a smile of such unadulterated happiness as he had never seen before.  It was then that he realized that this moment and her smile had been worth the wait.

The Existential Crisis

At the prime age of 23, I find myself in the midst of an existential crisis.

I recently realized that my life had been going on the same way for the past few years. Get up in the morning, get dressed, rush to work, come back home in the evening, switch on the TV, eat my dinner and fall asleep at a reasonable hour so that I can begin this entire cycle again the next day.

Except for the Sunday’s which is my day off, I have absolutely nothing new in my life. And even on the Sundays’ I tend to go the same places week after week with the same people.

It’s like I’m stuck somewhere and I’m going round and round in circles.

When did my life become so predictable?

I remember back in high school when I didn’t know what surprise would come my way next hour. The world was my playground and I had the chance to dance my way to happiness.

Though I have nothing to be sad about, I still find myself gloomy at the fact that whatever my plans had been for my future, they kind of got lost in the game of life.

I mean I’m a graduate. I’m working with my dad while studying to be a lawyer. I have a group of friends who love me.  And there is no crisis of sorts in my life.

Wasn’t this supposed to make me happy?

This was what I thought I wanted when I was in high school. A good degree, a good job and my closest friends around me. Then how come today, when I have all this am I not feeling happy?

All my life I’ve made bucket lists. Things I wanted to do at so and so time. Some of those things were checked out but some still are waiting for me to give them the time they deserve.

But I’ve realized that checking off things does not give you happiness. It does make you happy, but I believe happiness is something completely different from just being happy. Happiness should come from within and give you that warm glow from within.

Because forty years down the line, when you would have earned enough money for your retirement and your kids are settled in life and you are living in that house you always wanted to build, you won’t be saying that ‘Yes, I’ve done everything I wrote down in my bucket list and now I’m happy.”

Something would be missing then and that would make you wonder whether in the race to check off everything from the list, did you miss out the small things that used to make you happy?

I know my definition of happiness has changed over the years and it would again go through drastic changes In the future. But as of now, to be blessed enough to have a healthy life with a good future in sight while being surrounded by some very loving people is certainly a pretty damn good thing.