At the prime age of 23, I find myself in the midst of an existential crisis.
I recently realized that my life had been going on the same way for the past few years. Get up in the morning, get dressed, rush to work, come back home in the evening, switch on the TV, eat my dinner and fall asleep at a reasonable hour so that I can begin this entire cycle again the next day.
Except for the Sunday’s which is my day off, I have absolutely nothing new in my life. And even on the Sundays’ I tend to go the same places week after week with the same people.
It’s like I’m stuck somewhere and I’m going round and round in circles.
When did my life become so predictable?
I remember back in high school when I didn’t know what surprise would come my way next hour. The world was my playground and I had the chance to dance my way to happiness.
Though I have nothing to be sad about, I still find myself gloomy at the fact that whatever my plans had been for my future, they kind of got lost in the game of life.
I mean I’m a graduate. I’m working with my dad while studying to be a lawyer. I have a group of friends who love me. And there is no crisis of sorts in my life.
Wasn’t this supposed to make me happy?
This was what I thought I wanted when I was in high school. A good degree, a good job and my closest friends around me. Then how come today, when I have all this am I not feeling happy?
All my life I’ve made bucket lists. Things I wanted to do at so and so time. Some of those things were checked out but some still are waiting for me to give them the time they deserve.
But I’ve realized that checking off things does not give you happiness. It does make you happy, but I believe happiness is something completely different from just being happy. Happiness should come from within and give you that warm glow from within.
Because forty years down the line, when you would have earned enough money for your retirement and your kids are settled in life and you are living in that house you always wanted to build, you won’t be saying that ‘Yes, I’ve done everything I wrote down in my bucket list and now I’m happy.”
Something would be missing then and that would make you wonder whether in the race to check off everything from the list, did you miss out the small things that used to make you happy?
I know my definition of happiness has changed over the years and it would again go through drastic changes In the future. But as of now, to be blessed enough to have a healthy life with a good future in sight while being surrounded by some very loving people is certainly a pretty damn good thing.