Because

Because it’s hard to find someone who would understand what you are going through.

Because it takes courage to open up to somebody. Raw and complete.

Because the scariest thing is trying to be brave when deep inside, you have been shattered.

Because at times you will be judged for every decision you ever took.

Because it’s the harsh truth that will finally help you break free.

Because our tiny little mistakes can be the reason of somebody’s heartbreak.

Because at times you want to scream out loud just so that somebody would hear you.

Because smiling through your pain is sometimes the easiest thing to do.

Because you might be surrounded by people all the time but there will be nobody who notices your tears.

Because you have to be your own hero.

Because we are so busy “trying” to be happy that we have forgotten what actual happiness feels like.

Because you’ve cried yourself to sleep on countless nights.

Because nobody has seen your tears.

Because showing people your feelings makes you feel vulnerable.

Because it hurts when nobody understands you.

Because you’ve tried and failed at making people understand.

Because it’s your fake smile that people are used to now.

Because the people you trust the most are the people who will break your heart.

Because the one person you want to talk to is far away.

Because that one person has no idea how you feel.

Because only one voice can sooth your burning soul.

Because it’s not your fault that the world is crashing around you.

Because now you have to be your strongest.

Because this too shall pass…..

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Lucky Charms

Do you believe in lucky charms? Do you believe that a piece of jewelry or metal could actually bring you all the good luck that you seek? I for one don’t believe in such things. I don’t think that there really exists something like a trinket or a talisman that could actually work like magic for you.

I’m not here to judge anybody. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. And if you believe that a charm or a bracelet could do wonders to you then by all means hold on to that thing with dear life.

But I do believe in people. Somebody once told me that the biggest influence in our life is by the people we surround ourselves with. There are people who would set your mind free with all the positivity in them. And then there are people who would cage all your thoughts and make you look at everything that’s wrong with the world.

Up till now I never really had given this philosophy much thought. But in the past year I’ve observed that there is a certain change in the way I’ve started looking at things. It began in a subtle way and gradually my mind started accepting things which I otherwise would have given up thinking them to be impossible.

I started accepting the fact that no matter what I do some people will never be pleased with me. And trust me this is a hard thing for me to accept because for years I had been trying to become something I wasn’t just to get a simple nod of approval. What seemed like an immense effort came as so easily to me that the simplicity of my decisions stumped me.

I was by no means a rebel but yes I did stand up for what I loved and wanted and gave up on the false hopes of being happy while doing something that I hated. It was like I had been sleep walking all this time and somebody came and lovingly woke me up. The change was so gradual that it took me some time to realize what I had actually done!

It wasn’t until a few weeks back when I finally sat down and thought about what I was really doing because suddenly my life seemed to be going exactly where I wanted it to go!! One year was all it took to shake off 24 years worth of self pity, depression and the insane need to please people.

For most of you it might be an ordinary thing but for me it was the biggest decision of my life. To stand up for what I wanted and not give a damn to the fact that barely anybody supported me. And all this because somebody out there  was standing by my side listening to all the crap that I had to tell and still at the end of every rant tell me that everything will be fine.

4 simple words. Infinite depth in meaning. Everything will be fine.

Sometimes people inadvertently help you just by being there. They don’t do anything or say much, but them just being there with you is probably the biggest asset in your life. They will listen to you, console you, make you laugh and at times unknowing to both of you give you just the correct amount of strength that you needed to get back up and fight the entire god damn world.

I don’t know if it makes me believe in lucky charms…. but it does make me believe in that one person.

 

The Connection

R M Drake

The Search                                                The Search…(Part 2)

The Gaze                                                   The Gaze…(Part 2)

Have We Met Before?                             Have We Met Before? (Part 2)

The Answer                                              The Answer…(Part 2)

He was surprised at how easily he was able to talk to her. He had kept himself locked up inside a shell for as long as he could remember. But today it seemed like that shell had broken and he was finally free.

He had no idea where the night went. There were traces of memory when his friends left, equally surprised at his behaviour. All he knew was he had no need for more alcohol that night. He was far too drunk on her energy. Her stories, her life, the carefree attitude she had and the way she made even the most mundane topic so lively.

He loved how her hands moved in gestures when she talked. There was passion inside her that made her eyes sparkle.

Yes, she was different. There was something very extraordinary about her that he couldn’t explain. And that made him even more curious about her. They talked late into the night. It seemed so easy to talk to this stranger. But after 5 hours of non stop talking it didn’t feel strange anymore.

Something connected and he was hell bent to make sure this connection didn’t break.

Next morning he smiled while looking at his phone.

“We have to hang out again. Lets meet for  lunch.”, she had texted.

For the first time years, he looked forward to something other than work.

Why Storms Are Named After People

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Do not fall in love with the photographer in me. I will take innumerable pictures of us together so you would never be able to take out of your site the memories we created.

Do not fall in love with the traveler in me. I will take you along to the most beautiful locations on earth so that every time you travel somewhere alone your heart will yearn for me.

Do not fall in love with the writer in me. I will write letters and notes for you that would tell you everything that I find hard to say out loud; so your mind will be filled with the words I never spoke.

Do not fall in love with the avid reader in me. I will dive deep into a book and be lost for days only to come back into reality and make you read the most romantic and passionate lines I had read, so that every time you hear about love your eyes search for me.

Do not fall in love with me….I will bring to your life the addiction you had been avoiding all this time….

The Answer

The Search                                                The Search…(Part 2)

The Gaze                                                   The Gaze…(Part 2)

Have We Met Before?                             Have We Met Before? (Part 2)

 

For years he had been running away from emotions. From anything that could remotely make him fall in love. Love was not what he wanted. He had far too much darkness inside him. And nobody had ever dared to reach out for that. A darkness that was lost in simplicity, and yet was too complicated to be brought out in the open.

He had controlled every thought and every emotion in him.

But all this week, for the first time in years, he felt like he was losing control. And looking at her, standing in front of him, he understood why….

There was mischief in those eyes. And a flash of recognition. She didn’t look like all the other girls in this club who yearned attention. No. She was far too different from them. She had that look about her that was hard to explain. She appeared to be nonchalant but her drumming fingernails showed her restlessness.

“I’m sorry, but have we met before?”, she asked.

He had been mesmerized with her eyes and with this question he saw the fire in them. Fire, that pulled him like a moth towards it. Fiery and blazing.

“No”, He replied smiling. “But it seems like you recognize me.”

 

Have We Met Before? (Part 2)

The Search                                                The Search…(Part 2)

The Gaze                                                    The Gaze…(Part 2)

Have We Met Before?

She had made peace with her demons long ago. There was a time when she fought ferociously with them. But now, they were kept hidden somewhere deep inside her heart. For some utterly illogical reason, she believed that her demons were the only ones who knew who she really was and understood her.

They were the friends she could never find in real life. But this time, even her demons had given up on her.

She could not understand why that face did not leave her mind. She had done everything she could to divert her mind. And yet somehow that face always came back. How was it possible that a glance could leave such a lasting impression on her?

She dived into her work to get away from thinking about him. All week she kept herself busy, and today, she deserved some time for herself. She dressed up and headed to her favorite club in the city with her gal pals. She always found solace in that place. The loud music dimmed every thought that came in her mind. Quite places were nice, but sometimes she needed a crowd to set things straight in her mind.

They had ordered drinks at the bar when she turned around to see what her heart had been longing for the entire week.

He was here, right next to her.

Her eyes met that piercing gaze which had haunted her for days. He looked at her as if she was unreal. She could see a spark of recognition in those eyes. Was it possible that he remembered her? Could he remember somebody he saw for a couple of seconds? Or was he somebody who she could not place?

Maybe they had met before. No….she would have remembered those eyes. How could she forget that magnetic gaze?

But he looked like he recognized her….

Before she could stop herself, she asked, “I’m sorry, but have we met before?”

Have We Met before?

The Search

The Search…(Part 2)

The Gaze

The Gaze…(Part 2)

He wasn’t particularly fond of clubbing, but once in a while he went out with his old friends.They would meet and catch up over a couple of drinks.

His three best friends were the only people who understood him. They had come a long way together. From college where they chipped in money for tea, to this day when they were sitting in the classiest club of the city.

He really needed this break today. All week his mind had been playing tricks with him. He really needed to get those eye’s out of this mind. It was almost like he was losing control over his feelings. He couldn’t lose control. No. Not again. He had to divert himself from thinking about her.

He didn’t even know who she was. He had seen her just for a couple of minutes. And yet she had been in his thoughts all week. He was determined to let go of this infatuation.

But fate had other plans for him.

They had been sitting at the bar when he heard somebody come up next to him and place an order for drinks. A smooth voice. Deep, with a certain authority in it.  He wouldn’t have turned around if he hadn’t heard that drumming of nails. There was impatience in that drumming. He seemed to recognize this impatience.

He turned around and saw what he had been trying to run away from…

She was standing right next to him. Dark ebony hair framed her face that glowed from within. In this crowd she stood out. She was not like the many girls in this club. There was something mysteriously enchanting about her. She was like the ocean. Pretty enough on the surface, but you had to dive down to it’s depth’s to see what treasures it held.

He would have kept silently staring at her if she hadn’t turned her head his way.

Her eye’s met his and for a moment he saw a spark of recognition in them. Eye’s that he could stare into for infinity. He could see a smile playing on her lips, and before he could say anything, he heard her ask, “I’m sorry, but have we met before?”