Fear

You know you are kick-starting a company when your days are spent thinking about spreadsheets, contracts, collaborations and how to stay patient.

And you binge eat chocolate chip ice cream or play counter strike to stay calm while you talk to hundreds of people who have basically shredded your ego to bits.

I always knew that running your own company would never be cakewalk. Yes there are companies who were literally billionaires within months but that’s not the case with everyone. It literally takes your blood and sweat to keep it running.

Just keeping your calm is enough to shake the very foundation of whatever stock of patience you thought you had.

Also the constant fear of whether or not you are going down the right path! Even though nobody tells you it would not work and you keep getting positive feedback, and people actually accept your product, there is this insane fear of being rejected. And no matter how much you keep telling others that you need to give time to your business and keep talking to as many people as possible, the ground reality is that you are freaked out and your mind is working all the times.

Even your dreams are around your business and how some random person has come up and become your competition! (I literally have a crystal clear picture of that dream in my mind!)

Yes, it’s fear that makes you work hard and keeps you pumped, but at the same time it’s fear that gives you palpitations that you can sometimes mistake for heart attacks!

It’s crazy and freaky and exciting and worrisome and scary all rolled into one!

And yes, at times I really fear it.

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Childhood Dreams

 

shooting-stars

Childhood undoubtedly is the best time of our lives. The carefree days spent lazing around with homework being the biggest tension of life. The fights were over crayons, and the competitions were about who could jump the highest and touch a star.

I’v had my fair share of jumping and trying to catch a shooting star, so that I could make a wish. Because then the wish would obviously come as the star was with me and it had to give me what I wanted so that it could go back to the sky again!

Yeah, that was the logic that I used. And the wish was always the same. I wanted my own line of air crafts.

Back then the airfares were high and travelling by air was a luxury most middle class families could not afford. And since there was only ‘Air India’ back then, I wanted an ‘Air Urshita’ all for my self.

My school was near the airport and I could see planes flying outside my classroom all day. I’v waved to every plane that flew above thinking the people sitting in there would see me and would probably wave me back.   

By the time I reached 6 th grade, I had finalised how my plane would look from inside, what would be the colour schemes and I was thinking on the lines of getting my own airport!

As I grew up I realised how silly I was being. And as the time passed away, I forgot about the airline completely. 

But today, I sit in near the airport runway, and watch the planes taking off and landing, and I feel nostalgic. I had spent years wanting ‘Air Urshita’ and growing up took that away from me. Not that I haven’t thought of buying an airline now. I just need to earn millions or maybe marry a millionaire. Both of which seem to be impossible. (And now I realise that I could be looking like a security threat for parking my car here and staring at the airport for so long. :P)

I’l try my best to get this dream come true. And maybe someday, god willing there would be a “Air Urshita”.

So I sit here and wait for the night so that I can jump up high and maybe this time, I catch a shooting star.