Happily Ever After

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My grandparents are celebrating their anniversary today. They are celebrating their togetherness which completes six and a half decades today.

65 years…That’s a really long time.

In a commitment phobic world like today, where being together for 65 months is considered a landmark achievement, these two have  held together for a almost a lifetime.

I should be the last person to talk about commitments because I’m probably the biggest commitment phobic you’l ever meet. Not because I don’t believe that I’l find true love someday or that I won’t be able to bond with somebody for life, but just because I have such a negative attitude towards relationships that I run away from any person who tries to connect with me emotionally.

For a chatterbox like me, who can make friends anywhere in the world I have just a handful of people who I really call my friends. People who stood by me when even I had given up on myself.

I don’t what makes me do this, but every time somebody connects with me on an emotional level, I run away from that person at a lightening fast speed. Partially because I fear I’l break my heart. And partially because I fear I’l break that persons heart.

And I have immense respect for the people in my life who are still with me despite my behaving like an utterly unreasonable bitch! I have screamed, cursed, fought and walked out on them and yet they still came back to me when I was done spewing venom. And the worst part is, that even though I know that I do is wrong, I still can’t get myself to get so close to somebody that I end up being habituated to him.

I worry and over analyse every aspect of every feeling I have for that person and if I see even and iota of tenderness inside me, I bolt!

But when I look at my grandparents, and see them so happy together *touchwood*, the feeling is out of this world. Two people who were were married as per the customs of ancient India at the age of 10 and 8, these two have evolved from from being strangers, to friends, to lovers to parents and to grandparents!

And life was not always easy for them. My grandfather left for higher studies and then for work leaving my grandmother with the kids. In those times, when there were hardly any means of communication,these two managed to stay together. And that too after taking into consideration the fact that my grandmother was not allowed to go to school by her in-laws and could not read or write.  So writing love letters was out of question.

They have braved tough times together, and have seen happy times in abundance. They recently welcomed their fifth grandchild into this world and are now preparing for their eldest grandchild to get married.

And it’s not that everything is always lovey-dovey for them. Sometimes they behave like two toddlers locked up in a room with just one toy to play with! They fight like kids and argue about lame things. Then both of them go into separate rooms and emerge an hour later because they were hungry!

These two are the only reason why I, despite being a commitment phobic believe that someday I too would get that happy ending. And I hope and pray that my happily ever after looks like what I see with these two. Not the flowers and gift type materialistic love. But something so deep that you never need words to express it.

 

 

A Balm For The Aching Heart

You can read the first two parts of this series here-

1. Love at First Site

2. The fine line between love and infatuation

 

I wake up to the sound of rain drops falling hard on my window. For me it’s the best possible sound to wake up to. I get up and look outside. It looks beautiful. It seems like it’s been raining for some time. I can see water logged on the road outside my home.

I quickly brush my teeth, pick up a towel and rush to my terrace. It’s going to be a shower in the rain today.

I step out in the rain and relish the feeling of the rain drops falling on my skin. The rain seems to cleanse my soul.

I had gone back to Rashi’s house when she told me that the video made at the wedding had arrived. There was some problem at the photographer’s end which lead to the delay in us getting the film. I had waited so long for it.

And my patience was rewarded.

He was there in this beautiful wedding film. Talking happily about his friend and wishing him all the best for his future.

His voice made me smile. I loved the way he was laughing and teasing Rashi’s brother. His laughter was way more endearing to me than his smile. I had taken a copy of the film back to my place saying that I had to show it to my family.

I listened to that 47 second clip of him talking innumerable times. I knew everything he said by heart.

Even now, standing here, drenched, I can feel his voice around me. The rains always have a weird effect on me. Every time it rains my brain turns into a Bollywood songs playlist and every single song picturized in the rains starts playing in my head.

And since the love bug has apparently bitten me I can almost see Vivek standing next to me and humming a romantic number.

It’s so frustrating sometimes. All I can think of is him. My heart aches to talk to him. I want to know more about him. Know his likes and dislikes. Watch him smile and laugh with him.

I know this is possibly the stupidest thing I’v ever done or thought, because being in love with someone you’ve never met is insane.

I look up towards the sky and close my eyes. I can feel the rain drops on my face.

Rains have always been my dear friend. And this time too they sooth my aching heart.