The Search…..(Part 2)
He liked to be in control of everything. His work, the people who worked for him, his life and his emotions…
Especially his emotions.
He had let his emotions get out of control once. Long time back when he had no idea how much it hurts when somebody close to your heart, leaves you in such sorrow that even breathing becomes difficult.
There was a reason why he was so wary of love. Love made you lose control. Your mind wandered off on ideas that gave rise to emotions you could never understand. He wanted to know what he was feeling. He hated surprises in that department.
For years he had kept every emotion and feeling under control. He stayed away from anybody who tried to connect with him on an emotional level. And it had worked.
But today, for the first time in years he felt like his mind was not listening to him.
He had been sitting in a coffee shop when he saw her. She seemed to be in a hurry. She had quickly placed her order while impatiently drumming her nails on the counter.
Her hair that were left open, fell in soft waves on her shoulders, almost covering her face. He would have looked away if at that very moment she had not turned her head his way.
Deep mahogany eyes lined with kohl met his gaze. Eye’s so deep that he found it impossible to look away from them.
Their eyes had met for a couple of seconds….and now hours after that chance encounter, he still couldn’t get them out of his mind.
Sleep eluded him as he tried to fathom how magnetically beautiful a pair of eyes could be….
Sometimes all she wanted was to run away. Run away from everything that tried to hold her down or cut her wings. Run away from people who pretended to be something else. Run away from everything that was precious to her.
Sometimes, she wanted to run away from herself.
She was far more complicated than anybody could ever imagine. She always had that look about her that made people take notice of her. A mystery that was insanely attractive.
She had broken many hearts. Hurt people who had tried to bring her out of the misery that she had imposed on herself.
But all those people had tried to protect her. They had tried to change the way she thought, the way she saw the world and the way she felt. She was suffocated by the constant do’s and don’ts imposed on her.
It was not protection that she wanted.
All her life she had been looking for love. And if that love was not extraordinary, she was not interested. She longed for love that was intense, unadulterated and raw.
Love, that gave her freedom to be herself. Love, that didn’t try to change her and just let her be herself.
She wanted somebody who would see the fire in her eyes. Somebody who would understand that love was the only thing she could give. Completely and wholeheartedly. She wanted love that was so deep that it burned your soul with its passion.
Her search was for a love that would peel her down to the bone and see that there was far more to her than what met the eye….
He always wondered why people were so fascinated by the concept of love. He had always been wary of that feeling. He thought of it as a weakness. And everybody who knew him was aware of the fact that he hated weakness of any sort.
For him, the search was never for a lover. No. Love was temporary. You could always fall out of love with someone. What he wanted was something deeper. Something that gave meaning to him and his existence. Someone who would not be a part of the crowd.
Most people just become what they hear and see. He wanted somebody without the mask that everybody wore to please the world. He wanted something pure and raw. Somebody who was made from the same fire like he was. Not a lover, but a soulmate. Who saw in him what nobody else could see.
Somebody who would understand that behind all the complications, was a simplicity that he had hidden from the world. He wanted somebody who would stand by him. He wanted somebody who would kill him with the fierceness in her eyes. He wanted somebody who would take away from him everything that he ever held close to his heart, and still make him feel complete.
He wanted to be destroyed and be born again. He wanted to be filled with somebody’s laughter. He wanted to melt in somebody’s arms and kiss so deeply that it sucked out his soul.
And in all that he wanted, love was what he was most afraid of….