There are times when all you want to do is howl and scream your heart out….and cry yourself to sleep. But all you can do is smile and pretend that everything is fine. When every fiber your being wants to run away and never come back. When breathing becomes a task. When nobody seems to understand what you are trying to say….not because they can’t understand, but because you are unable to tell them how much it hurts inside.
When being alone is the best part of your day, but nobody will ever leave you alone to enjoy that solitude. When eyes run dry of tears and nothing seems to fill the gap inside you. When advise’s flow in from everywhere and you are unable to tell people that it’s not advise that you want. And what you want is something they will never understand. Because you yourself are unable to get rid of the storm inside you.
You know something is wrong and thinking straight takes effort. When hurting yourself seems tempting but you know that it will never prove a point. When everything seems to fall apart and you are made to watch your life shredded into pieces. When you end up hurting the people closest to you. When nothing you say seems to make sense to anybody. And eventually your words lose all sense to you as well….
At that exact moment you need to be your strongest. When nothing seems right and nobody understands you. It is possible that you and only you can make sense of whats going on. Hold on to that. Because at that exact moment, you will finally come face to face with the real you.
“I was born weird. This terrible compulsion to behave normally is the result of childhood trauma ” – Anon
This is one quote that is completely apt for my life. Anybody who knows me would agree how completely insane I can be in a world where “fitting in” is the common fad.
I’v never been what people call “normal” in my behaviour. I have to trip at least once a day, bang my knees or elbows or toes on the furniture and have completely crazy ideas about the world in general everyday!
I was born breach, i.e. upside down, so we can safely say that I’v never followed the rules and regulations of the normal world ever since the day I landed on this planet. 😛
It’s not that I’v not tried being the prim and proper girl I’m supposed to be, but it’s just too much work. I’m the kind of person who would wear the most random of clothes to work, because I really won’t bother if I’m looking good or not! Or push door that clearly say ‘pull’ just for the fun of it. Or sing on top of my voice despite the fact that I’m aware of my horribly out of tone singing abilities.
And if that is what you call crazy……
I’v been certified crazy by many a people. And I assume they would have reasons when they can see AND hear me talk to myself in a room full of people! And its not that I’m not talking to the people; I’m taking my brains opinion loudly rather than in my head. *shrugs*
OK, I admit that is weird, but hey!! In my defence, I need to get my opinions of everybody in place before I blabber like a drunk goose!!
So yeah, in my view, I’m perfectly normal in this crazy world! With the word ‘normal’ in bold, italics font size 42.
For people who don’t understand, Oh! well your bad! 😛